Authentic community

On Labor Day we had a cookout in my cul-de-sac (that's French, btw...impressed?). We've lived there 5 years and barely spent any time with most of our neighbors, so 7 out of the 8 families came down and we grilled and hung out. Everyone seemed to really enjoy the chance to get to know each other, and the 8th family, who were at a wedding in Sweden, were disappointed that they missed it. It was just food and social time. No program. No agenda. No silly mixer games or nametags. Heck, I barely even spoke to some of them, and I know that exchanging names and a handshake was the extent of several relationships.

Despite that lack of direct interaction, when we went for a walk last night, I looked around my cul-de-sac and no longer felt surrounded by strangers. I felt a connection to these people. I felt like I belonged, and that they belonged. We shared an experience, we connected, I felt like I belonged, and it felt good and right and natural. It wasn't "in my face," it just felt right.

My program background did try to rear it's ugly head. There were times where the conversation died, one of those quiet moments that, if this were a church event a few months ago, would have probably led me to immediately start thinking "nobody is having fun...this is a flop!" But in the past few months, I've learned a few things about community, so I buried that thought and swallowed my impulse to fill that time by opening my big mouth and trying to make sure everyone was having fun. Instead, I just sat there. And before too long, things picked up again and folks were talking again. And it happened naturally, without me getting my anxiety all over everyone and spoiling it.

The anxious desire for success poisons relationships by inhibiting people's ability to connect in authentic ways. It has caused me (and I'm sure other leaders) to overfunction and try and control the ways people connect. What is for me one of the hardest parts of The River is also one of the most important: freeing people connect to God and to others on their own rather than have me do it for them. It's hard, but I believe it is the only way to create an authentic community where anyone can feel comfortable.

So please pray for me to bite my tongue. And please also pray it doesn't hurt too much!