Backdate August 14: A doctor in a graveyard

Yesterday we continued to clear out Beth’s church. For those who don’t know, my wife is also a pastor, and her church recently closed. It’s not as horrible as it sounds, but neither is it fun. We have worked together to help clean the building out.

It’s been interesting (to say the least) to do that at the same time that I am starting a new church community. Because every time I go to her building to do some work there, I am faced with the specter of my own failure. It looms over me with every piece of furniture I remove, every pile of ‘junk’ that I throw out.

The lesson of why Beth’s church closed is simple: no one else did anything. She was it, and that can’t work. Not in the long run. The lesson for me is that the success or failure of The River is not dependent on my ability to work hard or long. It is dependent on others taking on the responsibility of building the community, and my ability to empower, train and support them.

In the meantime, it’s been quite a humbling experience to do this at the same time. It is kind of like being a doctor in a graveyard, always faced with the possibility that this won’t happen. It’s scary, it’s invigorating, and it grounds me by reminding me of what I sometimes forget: that I can’t do this anyway. It’s too much. Only God can make this community thrive.

Being a doctor in a graveyard keeps me humble, focuses me on God, and reminds me that I’m not doing it, God is. Being humbled isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. God is in charge, God is in control, and I am not. And that's the way it's supposed to be.