The Painting

Last week I went to Denver for a conference, and got to not only visit my former home but to see a lot of good friends at the church I interned at. It had been almost eight years since I left, and these were some people that I love dearly and had not seen since. During those years the church had blown up like few I have ever seen. A lot of people I love got hurt by that, and it was good to see them and reconnect and know that they are doing very well.

After seminary, that church wanted me back and I wanted to go back. Beth, however, really did not want to go back to Denver. So I told them that I was not coming, they ended up calling some other folks, the place blew up, lots of people got hurt, and I was left wondering "What if?" Not with the blow up, but with my life. With my calling.

Here I am, in Atlanta, doing what I think God wants me to do, living the life I think God wants me to live. I think God has led me here, that God has reasons for me being here, and that God is at work in my life growing the kingdom. My kids were born here. I have friends here. My roots here as deep as they have been anywhere since my childhood home.

However, I think I could have been just as happy in Colorado. Could have had a life and a ministry just as good. My being here was God's plan, but does that mean that me going back to Colorado was not God's plan? It's inconceivable to me that, if I had gone back, it would have been less wonderful for me and less fruitful for the kingdom than being here. So what to think?

I'm starting to question the idea that God has a plan for our lives. A plan is followed 1-2-3. Three can't happen until two does, and two doesn't happen until one does. It's a step by step process. But when I look at the history of what God has done in the bible, I don't see a step by step plan. I see a vision, a picture, an ideal that God is working towards. People do things along the way that either help or hurt the progress of that vision, so God does different things at different times to get things moving back toward that vision. But it does not seem to be 1-2-3, like a construction project. It seems more like a painting being painted than a car being assembled.

Paintings are not done in a linear fashion. It's a little bit here, a little bit there, in different steps and stages, with layers of paint being placed on top of each other. I think our lives are more a work of God's art than an erector set. I think there is room for different colors, different backgrounds, and for us to make choices. I think maybe God doesn't give us "A or B" choices. I think maybe God gives us options for some of what goes in our painting, and we get to fill parts in ourselves.

I'm in Atlanta, and I think God wants me here. I'm thankful to God that I am here. If I had the opportunity to move to Colorado right now, I would say 'No thanks'. And if God wanted me to move there, we'd have a long conversation that could involve me being swallowed by fish. This is where I am supposed to be. But I'm starting to think that maybe God doesn't have a 1-2-3 plan for me. Maybe God has a painting for me, and is letting me choose some of what goes in it. Or maybe I'm a heretic. I don't know. But I do know that a life that's painted sounds a lot more like the God I know than a life that's assembled 1-2-3.