What a mess

This new church is messy. Almost every new person I meet I'm interrupting, whether it's by knocking on their door, calling, meeting them at Bagel Boys, whatever. Whenever we invite people to do something with The River, we're asking them to choose that over something else. When we ask for offerings, we're asking them to choose to give money here over buying something.

These are not simple choices. They are complicated, involving lots of reasons, rationales and whatnot. No matter how many times I ask the same thing, I never get the same answer. Everyone is different, with their own life and their own reasons for making the choices they do, and there's so much stuff in people's lives that when I try and get my brain around it, I just can't figure it out. The whole thing just seems like a big mess.

The great shock, though, was realizing that the last church I was at didn't seem messy. I wondered why. What was different about that community? The conclusion I came to was that that last community was just as messy, and since it had more people it was probably messier! The difference was that I didn't know it, because it looked neat. We had programs that ran smoothly. We had worship that went smoothly. The office and staff ran smoothly. All of it was nice, neat, and it looked tidy.

I now realize that that was a facade. The people were just as messy, it only looked neat because the programs looked neat. I don't know whose fault that is, or that it's really anyone's fault. But it seems to me that if you make 'church' equate to 'programs', then it will look neat and tidy if you have neat and tidy programs. Meanwhile, the people themselves may be a mess, but no one will ever know. Some like it that way.

Me, I do not like it that way. I don't think that's the way Jesus lived, and I don't think that's how he wants us to live. Jesus welcomed the interruption of people's messes, and even sought them out. His ministry was not programs; near as I can tell, he never ran one. His ministry was conversation and relationships. His ministry was people, in all their messiness.

So I'll take the mess. I'll take the mess over the neat, tidy, facade that all is well. I'll take it because that's who we are. Messy, broken, confused, people- myself included. That's humanity for ya. To pretend otherwise is to deny who we are, and puts us in a place where we don't need God because we can keep things neat by ourselves.

Well, I need God. I am a mess. So is my new church. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Shapes revealed

A little while ago I blogged about how God is revealing things like shapes in the mist that become clearer over time. Here's a concrete example of several seemingly unrelated things revealing God at work, and that it is God who will build this community and not me.

First, in late summer, someone fell away from The River, in an unfortunate but understandable situation. I supported her doing that, but I also knew God wanted us to stay in touch. She did too. Neither of us knew why, but we both knew God wanted us to keep in touch. So we did, and we waited.

Second, in early fall, when we started planning our gatherings, we settled on Sunday from noon-2 as the best time. This would not work for one of our key leaders, and we knew that. But he agreed that if it was best for everyone else, then we should do it, and we would wait and see what God had in mind.

Third, we gather in Clusters, for awhile we have only one and not long ago I started feeling this poking in the back of my head saying "Start another one." OK, fine, so I prayed and asked God where it would be, who would lead it, and who would come. My response? Nothing. Silence. But then it would come again, "Start another cluster." And I'd pray again. And still nothing. This was going on for a couple weeks, with no resolution.

Four, I knew that what we were doing did not meet the spiritual needs of the young adults who had expressed interest. I knew something needed to be done, but I didn't know what, only that what we were doing wasn't working.

Then I met John. John came into my life by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the space of just a half hour conversation, all four pieces fell into place. That poking in my head became a still, small voice that said "This is it." Not a shouting, not a roaring, just a still, small voice telling me that this was what God had in mind. John wanted to host a cluster at his home. One for young adults. It was close to the home of the woman who had fallen away. It was at a date and time for our leader who couldn't come on Sunday. It was all there.

The more I get into this journey, the more I see God at work, and the more amazed I am. God is putting the pieces before us, God is putting them together, and it's just been an awesome and amazing ride. I can't wait to see what God is going to do next!