River Pastor

This Blog Has Moved

2010-06-08T07:15:00.001-07:00

This blog is discontinued, and my new blog is here:
http://wadeintheriver.org/scriptandscripture

This will make you think

2010-05-10T10:11:00.001-07:00

There's a bit of profanity in here, but it's raw and it's real and it's worth thinking about.

What I'm Giving Up For Lent

2010-02-22T06:04:00.001-08:00

I've never given up anything for Lent before. If you don't know, Lent is the time of year leading up to Easter. Many Christians will give up something for Lent. Christian or not, we should all be glad for Lent because without Lent there would be no Mardi Gras. Mardi Gras is the 'last hurrah' before Lent, the last celebration before the fasting of Lent. Lent itself is supposed to be spent fasting just as Jesus spent forty days fasting in the bible. Now, the purpose of fasting is to help us focus on God. Whenever you think of whatever you are fasting from, you are to instead think about God. So, really, the purpose of Lenten fasting is to make us think about God more. Frankly, that's not something I ever thought I needed help with. I figured I thought about God plenty, so why bother? Well, this year I decided to give it a shot. Here's my Lenten discipline.

Our current sermon series is called The Wall. Each week I'm preaching on a different wall that we put up to hide the things we've done wrong. We think that if people see our sins, the things we've done wrong, then they won't love us. The problem is that if parts of us are hidden behind walls, then people never see the real us. They may like or even love who they think we are, but that's not who we really are. We put that wall up so people will love us, but it actually prevents them from loving us because they don't know us. And it prevents God from reaching us. Then we think God's gone missing, but really we're the ones who've gone missing, hiding behind a wall of shame and guilt. Each week I'm talking about a different wall God has broken through in the bible, and what God may be doing in each of our lives to break through the walls we put up.

My discipline is that the only music I'm listening to during Lent is The Wall by Pink Floyd. That's it. No radio. No other CD's. I'm still doing AM talk radio, but no other music. I am giving up all other music for Lent.

Funny thing is, it's working. Every time I listen to The Wall, I think about these sermons, and about my relationship with God and the walls I'm putting up. It's an odd thing to give up, I know, but it's really cool. So far, anyway. I have a feeling that by early April I'm going to want to stuff a sock down Roger Waters throat. But for right now, it's working, and I'm glad I'm doing it.

Why Does God Love Us?

2010-01-27T07:19:00.000-08:00

This is as good an answer as you're going to get. It may be meant sarcastically (it may not), but I think it's true.

Haiti Earthquake Relief

2010-01-14T06:21:00.000-08:00

The earthquake in Haiti has been catastrophic. Immediate assistance is needed. The River is part of the ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) which has a Disaster Response unit already on the scene in Haiti. To read about what they are doing, click here. To donate online, click here. 100% of your contribution will go directly to aiding victims. My wife and I are giving, and we hope you will too.

Today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution described this scene: "Those gathering ouside tents, on lawn chairs, sitting in the middle of empty streets, sang their hymns. One phrase in Creole could be heard repeatedly both inside and outside the hospital walls, as if those voicing the words were trying to make sense of the madness around them. 'Beni Swa Leternel,' they sang. 'Blessed be the Lord.'"

The people of Haiti are counting on God. And God is counting on you.

Thank you for your prayers, your gift, and your partnership.

-Pastor Scott

Email Meditations

2010-01-12T06:16:00.000-08:00

I've been getting email meditations from Richard Rohr for a few months now, and every day they astound me. They are deep and thought provoking in a way that is still comforting. You can't link to them, they're only available via email, but if you don't like them unsubscribing takes two seconds. I highly recommend them!

Click here

Vacation Brain

2010-01-04T12:02:00.000-08:00

I'm back after a week of vacation and my brain has gone to mush. It's like the time before Christmas was another life. I can't remember what I scheduled or why. I can't remember who I talked to or what they said. While I was away I spent a lot of time in my mother-in-laws hot tub, maybe it fried my brain. Or maybe those two glasses of champagne on New Years did more than I thought. Regardless, I have a major case of vacation brain. It's weird having all this energy and not knowing what to do with it. Maybe this is how a puppy feels. I think I'll try gnawing on the sofa, see if my brain comes back. If not, and you see it, please let me know. Thanks.

Beery Christmas

2009-12-27T12:10:00.001-08:00

And a Happy New Year!

Christmas Can (Still) Change the World

2009-12-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a way to help make this a spiritual Christmas season, check this site out. In the church year, Advent is the time leading up to Christmas day. It is what we are in now, the secular 'Holiday Season'. This site is about how Advent can once again be a life changing event.

The Advent Conspiracy

What Next?

2009-10-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

For those who do not know, our national church recently passed a resolution allowing churches to choose to call pastors who are gay or lesbian and in a relationship. Before, you could be gay or lesbian, just not in a relationship. Now you can do both. They also passed a resolution allowing churches that wish to do unions. Oddly, there doesn't seem to be much of a fuss about that. All the fuss is about gay and lesbian pastors.

What's disturbing to me is the reaction of those who have "lost" the debate. This debate has been going on for years, thirty or more, though it only became a major issue in the past ten. But for thirty years, a group of folks in my denomiation thought the old policy excluding actively gay pastors was against scripture. What did they do about it? They did what Christ would have done. They were kind. They spoke the truth of their convictions, but did so in a loving and gracious manner. Most importantly, though, they stayed. Despite feeling marginalized, disliked and sometimes despised, they suffered the slings and arrows and stayed. They turned the other cheek, continued speaking the truth as they saw it in love, and they stayed.

Some who have recently "lost" the debate- who oppose the new policy and like the old one- are forming their own group. They are considering leaving our denomination. Not all, but some. They think the denomination has turned it's back on the bible and on them, and some have already left. Others will undoubtedly be following.

It's stunning.

On one side is a group that conducted themselves in a Christ-like manner for thirty years, and now the folks on the other side can't even do it for thirty days. The irony is inescapable- those who object to the new policy because of scripture fail to understand one of the most basic parts of Jesus message. Which is that Jesus calls us to die for him, not pack up our toys and go find people who agree with us. If they truly loved their neighbor as themselves, they would stay. Graciously, humbly, kindly, they would stay, and they would struggle to help a church that they think has lost it's way find it again. But they keep leaving.

It saddens me to see them go, but it's nothing new. It's the same thing that keeps many people away from church: we talk about love, but we really only love those who agree with us. That's easy. Loving those who disagree with you, that's hard. But it's what Jesus calls us to do.

I like the current policy. I disagree with those who are leaving. According to them, that makes me a heretic. I can live with that. I can even live with them while knowing they think that. I just wish they could live with me too.

Trolled by the AJC

2009-10-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

I got an interesting call from the AJC today. The reporter called to ask if we were planning to leave the ELCA over the recent vote to allow churches that wished to call gay pastors. Here's the conversation:

Reporter: "Hi, my name is (I don't remember her name), and I'm an AJC religion reporter doing a story on Lutheran churches, and I was wondering if your church was planning on leaving the ELCA because of the recent policy changes regarding homosexuality."

Me: "No, we really don't.'

Reporter: "Oh. Well, do you know any churches that are?"

Me: "You mean in Atlanta?"

Reporter: "Or anywhere in Georgia."

Me: "No, I really don't. Most that I know of are in the west."

Reporter: "OK, thanks. Bye."

End of conversation.

Obviously, this reporter was fishing for churches that are leaving. I'm not sure why. Maybe there aren't many, so they're harder to find. Maybe she's digging for controversy, and since I don't have a problem with it and my church doesn't either there's nothing to talk about. I dunno. But it can be interesting dealing with the media when they're after something specific because they don't care what you say if it's not what they're looking for. Which is a bummer, because I would have loved to tell her that we'll gladly welcome anyone. But she wasn't interested. Oh well.

Overcoming the Odds

2009-10-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

This is my friend's son. I remember when he was adopted, and he was supposedly never going to talk or walk. Now look at him. With God, all things are possible!

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An Open Letter to God

2009-09-21T10:18:00.001-07:00

Dear God,

I know we were in a drought. I know that lots of us prayed for rain. Funny how it seems that you've answere all those prayers for rain all at once! It's pouring again and dark outside at 1:20 in the afternoon. It's been this way for days, and it's just getting silly. I need galoshes to walk through my yard and a boat to get to my mailbox.

God, thank you for answering our prayers.
Could you stop now?

Love,
Scott

Me 100 Years Ago

2009-09-16T06:55:00.001-07:00

A friend just forwarded me the wikipedia entry for a guy named Walter Rauschenbusch. I'd never heard of him before. He lived 1861-1918, and he and I share very similar views. It was eerie, actually. We disagree on a few things, but we agree on the main thing, which is that the Kingdom of God on earth was the primary aim of Jesus, but has been dropped by Christianity in favor of getting into heaven. This guy reminds me a lot of me, though I do hope I live longer.

Deer In Headlights

2009-08-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

I've only been a pastor for eight years, but there are very few things that surprise me anymore. Last night was the first time in awhile, and what happened really blew my doors off. Here's what happened:

I was visiting the homeless with 7 Bridges to Recovery ministry, sharing meals and prayer and love with the "last, least and lost." A woman came over and asked for a pastor. I went over and she said "See that man over there? In the hat?" She pointed at a guy sitting with some others on milk crates. "He took a hot bottle and put it on my leg and burned me, and he did it on purpose. So you know what I told him? I told that tonight, when he sleeps right over there.." -she pointed to an abandoned old parking lot- "...I'm gonna pour gasoline on him and set him on fire. What do you think of that?"

That's not a question I get asked a lot in Alpharetta, and I just looked at her trying to figure out if I'd really just heard what I thought I'd just heard. I was speechless (if you know me, you know how rare that is). All of a sudden, one of the men from 7 Bridges to Recovery is there and he said "Exodus 14:14, sister. The Lord will fight for you, you just be still. You have to let it go. Forgive him, find a way to love him, you gotta let it go. Exodus 14:14. The Lord will fight for you, you just be still." She broke down crying, there were hugs all around, prayer, and I could see the anger and hurt fade from her as we shared the love of God with her. She came broken and angry, and she left feeling hope and love. It was amazing.

I'm not going to forget Exodus 14:14 for awhile, I'll tell you that. I'm not going to forget that woman or that conversation either. When Jesus walked the earth during his ministry in Israel, he spent time in places like that, with people like her. It's been awhile since I felt as close to God as I did when we were talking to her. If you're looking for God, you might want to look there too- in the face of the poor, the homeless, the addicted and lost. I found Jesus last night in a hurting, broken woman, and it was amazing. I bet you can find him there too.

Star Wars explained

2009-08-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

Why I Love My Job

2009-07-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday someone came by the church selling something. We talked for 45 minutes, and he never showed me a brochure, never opened his briefcase. Instead we talked about God, faith, friends, our joys, our struggles. It was a great conversation and is why I love my job so much: because I get to talk to people about God. That's really what it's all about for me. Just talking to people about God. That's what I love, and I get paid to do it.

I have the best job in the world.

Elie Wiesel speech

2009-06-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

I just posted about how we're going to do a series on The Big Questions, and a friend forwarded this. This is Elie Wiesel speaking at Buchenwald the other day. He talks about what the world has learned from Buchenwald, what it has not learned, and about hope. Worth a look.

The Big Questions

2009-06-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we started a new sermon series called "The Big Questions." It is what it sounds like. We're going to look at The Big Questions, such as 'Why Is There Evil?' and 'Why Do We Suffer?' and 'What Is the Meaning of Life?'. To be honest, I can't believe it took me this long to do this series. After all, people have been asking these questions for gazillions of years. You'd think I would have done this a long time ago. Heck, once I thought of it I figured every pastor, everywhere would have done a sermon series to answer them.

To my knowledge, no one has.

Obviously, someone has. I'm definitely not the first. There has got to be plenty of churches where these questions have been answered. But I don't know of any, and I think in most churches they have not been answered. Not directly, anyway. Not this bluntly. As I've prepared for this series, I've wondered why. Why do pastors shy away from answering these difficult questions? Why have I myself waited so long to do a series like this? Unfortunately, I am at a loss to explain either of these. I don't know why churches shy away from The Big Questions, and I don't know why I am only now answering them in a sermon series.

I suspect, though, that somewhere in the back of my mind is fear that these questions really are unanswerable. That the reason they have existed for so long is because we cannot offer an answer. I can't back this up with any paperwork, but it makes sense. Why would anyone try to answer the unanswerable?

In my prayer and my meditation in preparation for this series, I've come to the conclusion that these questions are answerable. I don't think I have the perfect, whole, complete answers to them. You'll have to ask God for that. But I do think that there are answers available if we open our mind to what God says. That means filtering out what God does not say, which can be the harder task because of so many things folks take for granted that are not biblical. So we're going to plunge into this series and I'm going to offer what God has shared with me about the answers to these questions. Hopefully we can video the sermons and post them on YouTube. Assuming, of course, that I don't completely blow it. Which is possible, but I'm not worried about it. I'm going to study, listen, and try my best to say what God tells me to say. The answers won't be perfect because I'm not, but I think they will be helpful to folks wherever they are on their journey.

So here come The Big Questions! Visit our website for upcoming topics.

Be careful with this one

2009-06-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'm warning you now, if you click on this link, you could very well spend hours here and laugh a lot.

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/

The author does a wonderful job of poking fun at Christians and their churches in insightful and funny ways. His bit about here worship leader hair product and Rob Bell glasses made me laugh so hard Coke came out my nose. You might not get all of the jokes, but hopefully you'll get enough to see the wisdom in his humor. And if your spouse doesn't see you for days because you're looking through this site, remember: you were warned. :-)

Success!

2009-04-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

People often define success in church planting as creating a self sustaining congregation with it’s own building. We don’t. Here is an example of what success means to us:

Last week I found out that one of our ministries is actually larger than the church. It’s called Raw @ The River, and it’s a ministry started and led by one of our folks to help people be healthier through diet. After only three weeks, more people are part of that group than are part of the church. That’s wonderful.

Our vision is to be a church that is out there serving people and making a real difference in their lives. This is how we plan on attracting people to The River- helping them, serving them, loving them in the name of Jesus. It’s what Jesus did, so we figure it’s a pretty good way to go.

Having a ministry that is larger than our church shows that our ministry goes way beyond our walls. We are not just meeting the needs of our members. We are not inward focused. We really are an outward thinking, outward thinking, outward acting church. Eventually, we hope that some of the people we are serving will see the Holy Spirit alive in us and want to know more. That is how we plan to grow. That could take awhile. Until then, I’m just thrilled that we are succeeding. That our ministries are touching others and making a difference in profound ways. Because for us, that’s what church is all about. And that means that regardless of whether or not we ever become a self sustaining congregation with our own building, we have succeeded.

The Legacy of Bob Birkholz Lives

2009-03-30T12:51:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, someone from our parent church asked me to lunch. I accepted, and today we got together. It was nice. We went to the new Irish pub near our house. A friend of a friend described us as living within 'staggering distance,' the pub, but we just had lunch. Honest.

Turns out that the reason he invited me to lunch was to see how I was doing. That was it. Just to see how I was doing. He knew about my friend Tom's suicide and wanted to see how I was doing. Which was wonderful.

My wife's father died in 1996, but that was one of the things I remember about him. It's funny to think of it that way, though, because I only met him once and that was never something we talked about. Yet Beth has shared over and over how hard his death was on their pastor because her dad- Bob- had made it a habit to take his pastor out every now and then just to see how he was doing. It's a legacy that she's never forgotten, and one that I too have never forgotten.

This is often a lonely business, folks. Which sounds weird because we're always surrounded by people, and most of them (though hopefully not all) are Christians, so you would expect Pastors to have huge support networks. But we don't. As a result, huge numbers of clergy get burned out every year. For some scary stats that seem to be well cited, go here. There are other reasons why pastors get burnt out, but fact is that we need support. Pastors just gotta have support.

So take your pastor out to lunch sometime. Take them to Starbucks and buy them a "Super Tall Extra Fat Chocolate Expresso Something Or Other" and ask them how they're doing. When they're struggling, offer to help. I'm even going to go so far as to suggest treating them like you would anyone else. If they're hungry, give them food. If they're naked, give them clothes (please!). If they're feeling lonely and burnt out, help them out. You might not think we need it, but we do. And when we get it, it's appreciated.

So thanks, my friend. And thank you, Bob Birkholz. And thank you, for reading this and caring.

Penn on Proselytizing

2009-02-16T07:30:00.000-08:00

This video is by the magician Penn, from Penn & Teller. He is an atheist. It is not what I expected at all, and is well worth watching for anyone who professes to follow Jesus.

Right and Easy.

2009-02-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

Right now it's 21 degrees outside (with the wind chill). From 6-8:30 tonight, I'm going to be outside visiting the homeless, bringing them food, friendship, prayer, and a chance to get off the streets. And it's going to be cold. If you're in Michigan right now maybe you don't think that's very cool, but it is to me. And there's two thoughts in my head:

1. They're out there, so we should be out there.
2. It's going to be C-O-L-D.

But I'm going, because it's important. Because tonight might the night for someone. This might be the night they turn their back on a life of addiction and sleeping under bridges and instead commit to a different way, a better way- the way of Jesus. Maybe. I'm going to find out, and I'm going to freeze while I do. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know it's the right thing to do, so I'm going. Right and easy are not always the same thing, and in this case I choose right. I reserve the right to change my mind for whatever tomorrow brings, but tonight I'm going.

Tom's Funeral

2009-01-12T08:02:00.001-08:00

The funeral for my friend Tom was Saturday. It's taken me a couple days to process it, and the truth is I expect I'll be processing his life and his death for a long time to come. I've seen a lot of crazy, sad things in my 35 years, and it takes a lot to jolt me. This did.

It should be easier for me to process the funeral, but this is one of those unfortunate cases where being a pastor hurts rather than helps. This was my first Presbyterian worship of any kind, and during the funeral I kept noticing things they did differently from what I was used to. The 'normal' people there may or may not have been doing the same thing- we all come with expectations, and so maybe everyone else thought those thoughts. I dunno. But I sure did. "Huh, that's different," or "Wow, I liked that part" or "Hey, I really miss this part." All technical, worship leadership thoughts that I really could have lived without. I was there to celebrate and grieve and worship, not attend a seminar on funerals. But the thoughts came anyway.

Tom's wife asked me to do a prayer in the funeral. It came after his best friend, his two brothers and his dad spoke. They all made it through without breaking down. Me, I sobbed my way through. Ironic, isn't it? The four people who never speak in churches got through theirs just fine, while the guy who does it for a living blubbered. Right up to the moment I started talking I thought I was fine, and that I would be able to do it without crying. Afterwards, I told my wife that and she said "I knew you weren't fine." I wish I had, but even if she had told me I wouldn't have believed her. I don't always listen when I should.

After a funeral, there's really not that much else for anyone but immediate family to do. Life pretty much gets back to normal for us. They're the ones who have to get rid of his clothes, sort through the paperwork, and figure out what to do with his comic book collection. That's messy, awful stuff that I don't wish on anyone. So we're going to help with the house, and we're going to keep the kids every couple weeks so his wife can do this stuff. At this point, all we can do is support them. So that's what we'll do. And gradually, over time, I suppose my Dad will once again be proved right. I asked him once how he got over his Dad dying, and he said you never really get over it. You just get used to the pain.

I do believe that someday I will see Tom again. I look forward to that. I look forward to the day when death will be no more. When weeping and crying and pain will be no more (Revelation 21:3-4). I'm looking forward to that a great deal. And until then, I guess I'll just keep processing. Keep praying for God to help me deal with it all, and for all who loved Tom to do the same.

Peace.

Terrible Start to the New Year

2009-01-01T17:14:00.000-08:00

My friend Tom died this morning. He was about my age, 35 or so, married with a couple kids. Their daughter is one year older than mine, their son the same. Finding out about his death was one of those moments you never forget. My wife was on a run, the kids were downstairs watching Sesame Street, and I was upstairs playing a computer game when a neighbor knocked on the door. He's a police officer and looked official, so I thought maybe there was a creep in the neighborhood or some robberies. I never imagined this. He said he had been at the family's home and had seen the invitation we sent them to my daughter's birthday party on Sunday, and he knew we were both pastors, so he thought we should know so we could maybe help. Which is very nice of him, and I appreciated hearing about it from a friend. It was one of those moments where everything changes. When I sat down at the computer this morning, my world was very different from what it is now as I type this. It's surreal.

I saw Tom Sunday night. We had a fun time watching what turned out to be a very painful football game for me as his beloved Philadelphia Eagles thrashed my beloved Dallas Cowboys with a playoff berth on the line. He enjoyed it a lot, though. Good for him. Today as I grieved I ate the last of the pizza that we shared that night. I went to get out some tupperware, and there was the tupperware I forgot to return to him that night. I opened the fridge, and there was a jar of his soup. The dude was always making huge vats of soup and always looking for someone to give some to. I was always happy to oblige. I'll miss that. There are a lot of things I'm going to miss.

I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm having trouble believing it's real. I've cried. I'm crying as I type this. It hurts. And I can only imagine how much worse it hurts for his family, his children. Mine were running around today being silly and I thought "He's never going to see this again." It broke my heart. Ugh. It's just terrible.

So I ask for prayers: for Tom's family, for his wife and kids and mom and dad and brother. For myself and all of us who were and are his friends. And pray that the New Year gets better, because it really sucks so far.

A Five Year Old Shall Lead Them

2008-12-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

My five year old daughter has started reading the bible at night before she goes to bed. It's a Beginners Bible, one of several kid's bibles lying around the house(one of the perks of the job is that people give you lots of bibles). She started reading it on her own. We read stories every now and then, and we let her know where the bible was, but we didn't prompt, didn't cajole, and I didn't give a great sermon about the Six Marks of Discipleship and the importance of personal bible reading. Well...actually, I did. But my daughter wasn't there that day. She started doing this entirely on her own.

Meanwhile, our denomination, the ELCA, has just launched an initiative called Book of Faith. The stated goal of this is to "increase biblical literacy and fluency for the sake of the world." Cool. I dig that. I think it's great that people read the bible. In fact, I'm thrilled that my daughter is reading the bible. That she's doing it on her own makes it even better. But it does make me wonder why we need a program in the first place. She's not going to need a program. She just picks the bible up and reads it. Why don't more people do that? What can we do to help our children learn on their own?

So parents, I have a few suggestions. Try this:
1. Buy a Beginner's Bible (you can get it here)
2. Read your kids a bible story now and then.
3. Answer their questions.
4. Let their natural curiosity do the rest.

Kids ask questions about God. It's what they do. Let's give them the tool they need to find the answer for themselves. If we do, they will. And maybe if the generations before us had done that, we wouldn't need a fancy program to try and get people to read the bible. We would just pick it up and read it. Which, after all, is why God gave us the thing.

Don't we have to scare people into heaven?

2008-11-13T06:12:00.000-08:00

This is an interesting interview. It's Anne Lamott on the Stephen Colbert show. Colbert asks- in his usual ridiculous way- some pretty good questions, and Lamott gives some pretty good answers. It's worth thinking about. I have only one disagreement with what Lamott says, but I don't want to prejudice you. Take a look and lemme know what you think.

Never say never

2008-11-10T07:46:00.000-08:00

I have a bad habit of saying I won't do something ever again. When I started The River, the list of things in the "I'll never do that again pile" got long. I took a look at all the things I didn't like about church and said "I'll never do that again" to just about all of them. And along the way in The River, we've tried some things that didn't work very well, so they too got tossed into the "I'll never do that again" pile. The ironic thing is that the "I'll never do that again" pile is almost empty, because just about everything I've put in it has come back out. I have, in fact, done almost all of them again. And I think the last one will be coming out soon.

When I started The River two and a half years ago, the only method I was taught for growing the church was to go 'door to door'. So I did. I knocked on 5,000 doors. The results were awful. Three families have come as a result, a total of six people. Not six families- six people. Since I hated it and it didn't work, I gladly put it in the "I'll never do that again" pile.

I found out last week that pastor I know went and visited a new church out in Braselton (near Chateau Elan). This pastor went door-to-door telling people about that church for six weeks. He got twenty families to come. Not twenty people- twenty families. It's a result that's hard to ignore, so he's going to come out here and do the same thing. He's going to do the door-to-door calling himself, but he's also going to take us along and teach us what he knows so we can do it too. So here I go again, about to do one more thing I'd put in the "I'll never do that again" pile.

Which raises an interesting question. What if I put "putting things in the 'I'll never do that again' pile" into the "I'll never do that again" pile? It's worth thinking about. Then again, I think God laughs with glee every time I put my foot down like that only to end up with it in my mouth. So maybe I won't. God needs a good laugh every now then too.

Taking the plunge

2008-10-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

Having 'The River' as your church name is kinda fun. There's all kinds of things you can do with a 'whitewater rafting' image. This one is about plunges. I have no idea what the correct lingo is for this, but you get the idea- you're going down a river in a kayak or raft, and then you drop down a waterfall. When I went rafting, the drops were three or four feet. Not very big in rafting terms, maybe, but plenty big for me. I remember them as being both the most exciting parts of the trip and the most terrifying.

And that is what the newest stage in The River's life is: exciting and terrifying. We're going to rent our own facility. We're doing it because we think God wants us to do it, and because we think the things we can have in that facility will be a great blessing to lots of folks and will help them in their spiritual journey. That is the exciting part. The terrifying part is that we can't afford it. We don't collect enough in offerings each way to fully fund it. But we're doing it anyway. Why? Well, what have we got to lose? Either God is God, or God isn't. If God is not really God, then this is all a big waste of time and doesn't matter anyway. But if God really is God, then God is in charge, and God will do amazing and wonderful things through this. Even if we "fail" according to our standards, God's purposes will be accomplished.

I think maybe God has been watching us and seeing us take small steps and waiting for us to take the plunge. To be exciting, to confront the terrifying, to start riding down this journey without fear of what will happen. So that's what we're doing. It's an exciting time, a terrifying time, and a time of great opportunity. I think God is up to something great here. Right now, all we see is the drop off. I think we're going to come through this plunge laughing, crying, and soaking wet; alive in our baptisms as never before.

We're taking the plunge. I hope you'll come along.

The Kingdom of God on MARTA

2008-09-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

Here's a rare and beautiful glimpse of diversity.

We were riding MARTA when we took this. We were on our way to a book festival, which I'm pretty sure makes us 'book dorks'. Also on the train (at 9 a.m., mind you) were some folks on their way down for the Clemson game that started at 8 p.m. that night. That, and the funny wigs, made them 'football dorks'. And in the background, you can see some folks on their way down for the DragonCon parade, making them 'SciFi dorks.' It was a festival of dorks on their way to different dorky festivals. As a book dork, football dork and SciFi dork, it was pretty neat seeing 'my people' together in one place. And did I mention that there were Clemson and Alabama fans riding the train TOGETHER? Without violence?

OK, so it wasn't exactly the Kingdom of God, where the lamb lies down with the lion and all that. But it's as close as you're ever going to get on MARTA.

Me + Festival = Rain. Again.

2008-08-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

You're welcome.

Once again, I went to a festival to promote The River. Once again, it had not rained in a long time. Once again, it poured. That makes me 5-for-5 since last August. Five festivals in a row that I have worked have been rained out. The three festivals I haven't gone to have been three perfect days. Yesterday, the festival was scheduled to end at 4:00. I showed up at 3:30 under cloudy but dry conditions. By 3:45 it was rained out and done. The other River folks who were there have now banned me from going to any more festivals. In fact, I have been instructed to bring a tent to Lake Lanier and have my own festival, thus replenishing our water supply.

Before I got there, we had a line 20 people deep. Check this pic out:

It was great to see a line of people trying to get to us! That was nice. So all in all, it was actually a good day. And I got to see this on the way home, which was also pretty cool.. According to Genesis, God sent a rainbow as a sign that God would never destroy the earth by flooding again. It would be tempting to think that this rainbow means that God will never destroy a festival by water again, but I think I'll stay away just in case. Far, far away.

When you can't even pray

2008-08-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

We had a truly horrible day yesterday. My son (who will be three in October) broke his wrist. It should have been a lot worse. The brakes on his stroller gave way and he went down our driveway, over a retaining wall, hit the mid-level retaining wall three feet below (on the wall, not the dirt) and then bounced off it to land another three feet down on the grass below. He should have been hurt a lot worse, to be honest. I thought for sure he had been. I'm thankful it was only a broken wrist.

Today, when I was sharing with someone what had happened, she said "I bet there was a lot of praying." I would have expected the same thing, but as I thought about I realized that there weren't any. While it was all happening, I hardly prayed at all. Once I did, and that was because I was afraid we were going to run out of gas on the way down. But that was it. Just that once. A lot of words did come out of my mouth while this was happening, but they certainly weren't prayers. When he fell I skipped the PG-13 vocabulary and went straight to NC-17. My language was so filthy the neighbors probably thought the neighborhood had been invaded by pirates. But I didn't pray. Not once. Not until today, when the shock and terror had started to fade was I finally able to pray.

This is why I think it's so important for Christians to be together in times of trauma. When we can't pray, God gives us other people to pray for us. I wish someone had been there to pray with us. I was too addled and too filled with adrenaline to even think of that. I was so focused on my son that I couldn't think of anything else. Still can't. Work and the mundane activities of life seem so ludicrously unimportant that I have to force myself to do them, and even then I do them in a haze. But this also shows something important about God, which can be read in Romans 8:26. It reads "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."

Yesterday, I was unable to express my groanings in words. Only today am I somewhat able to do so. Yet the Spirit helps in our distress. I didn't know how to pray, or what to pray for: I had simply forgotten it all. My mind had gone numb, focusing only on my son. But the Spirit of God was there, praying for us when I couldn't. It's the only way to explain how this went from being a truly horrendous injury to just a broken wrist. And a minor break, at that.

God is there, my friends, whether you ask God to be or not. And when you absolutely cannot ask God to be there, as I couldn't yesterday, that is when God is most present. When we are at our weakest, God is strongest. And for that, I am truly thankful.

I have been to the mountaintop

2008-08-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

I spent the last weekend on a retreat, called Via de Christo. That's Spanish for "The Way of Christ" (but I bet you knew that). This was a gift from some of the folks in The River- they invited me, drove me there, and even paid for me to go. And wow, was it some gift.

I get paid to share the love of God. That's pretty cool, and I am so thankful that I get to do that. But I don't get paid to feel the love of God. That's optional. But this weekend, I got to do that. I got to feel the love of God. To get wrapped up in it, to roll around in it, and to bask in it. I do this job to share that feeling with others, but I had forgotten how good it felt to feel it myself. It was refreshing, revitalizing, renewing. It was great.

It is also my hope for The River to be a way for lots of people to have similar experiences. Maybe through Via de Christo, but maybe not. The means is not the point, only that they get to feel it. That's what I want: for as many people as possible to feel the love of God like I did last weekend. Because God does love you! I felt the love. And it's really, really cool.

May You Live in Interesting Times

2008-07-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

I've been told that that expression is a Chinese curse. Makes sense. Boring means nothing bad is happening. Interesting is a whole different story, and it's been an interesting few days.

First, last week. We went camping. I worked my behind off to get everything done, and we were going to stay Thursday night- Saturday morning. We drove an hour and half there, found an amazing campsite, and then my son started throwing up everywhere. So we packed everything up and went home. We got to camp for all of about four hours.

Then, last night, I threw my back out. Now, I've had back pain all my life, and I'm only 34. But I've never had it this bad. Could hardly walk or stand. This morning I went to the Chiropractor and he was actually gentler than usual. Which is how I knew I was in trouble. Turns out that my sacrum had locked up, he unlocked it, and now I have to go see him basically every day for the rest of my life. OK, that's not true, but it's still no fun. I can't sit still for very long, I'm constantly stretching, and it keeps stabbing me when I least expect it.

So, yeah, fun week. I hope my back is better by Sunday, and not just because there's a lot of setup involved with our worship. I could barely stand last night, and never for more than a couple minutes. No way I could lead a worship like this. I'd have to do it lying on the floor on my back. Who knows, maybe not having to look at my ugly mug would make it easier for people to think about God. I dunno.

What I do know is that I was supposed to have gone camping and come back refreshed, recharged, and bored. Instead, I've been living in 'interesting times'. I just didn't know 'interesting' could be this painful. Yikes! If you get the option, choose boring. Really. Choose boring. I will.

Walking with your eyes closed

2008-07-14T07:15:00.002-07:00

On the 4th of July, my two and half year old son freaked out at the fireworks. Again. So I had to carry him 1.5 miles home. Again. I swore up, down, leftways and sideways that I wouldn't do that again this year, and here I was doing it again. Because I thought he might enjoy the fireworks for a change, and I love him.

Anyway, we were about halfway home when the fireworks actually started. I was holding him on my front, and he closed his eyes to keep the fireworks out. After awhile my arms were getting tired, so I put him on my shoulders. He kept his eyes closed. A little while longer and I had to put him down to walk, and as we started walking I looked down and he still had his eyes closed! We did that whole routine again before we got home- front, shoulders, walking, and then even front again, and he kept his eyes closed the whole time. It wasn't until I said "Turn around, open your eyes, we're home" that he finally opened his eyes.

Since then, I've had a lot of thoughts about this. One is that carrying a two and a half year old 1.5 miles isn't fun. Two is that I'd do it again if I had to because I love the little guy. I'd carry him until I fell over.

But the main thing I've been thinking about is him walking with his eyes closed. That's not something most adults would do. Then again, most adults wouldn't close their eyes because they are afraid of fireworks. Yet our eyes are closed to most of what is going on around us. We can't see it. We can't see the big picture, the big plan, we just walk with our eyes closed. We have no choice.

My son had me there to guide him. To tell him when to turn, when to step up, when to move to the side one way or the other. If I hadn't been there, he would have wandered into a building, a tree, or the road. It was a busy road, so...yeah. Not something I want to think about. But he didn't because I was there, and he held my hand, and he didn't let go. Not even for a second. He held on, and he kept his eyes closed, and he knew I would get him home safe.

Lots of people talk about faith. My son walked it. He literally 'walked the walk' of faith. My two and a half year old. It was something I don't think I'll ever forget, and even though it took my back two days to recover, it was worth it.

Getting out of bed & going to church

2008-07-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, there are days when I don't want to get out of bed and go to worship. Since I'm a pastor, that may come as a surprise. But it's true. There are days when I just don't want to do it. Last week was one. I had a rough night of sleep the night before, a brutal time getting the kids ready, it was ugly outside and I thought "Man, it would be nice to just stay home." I can't do that, obviously. I have responsibilities, and while I'm sure that if I had an emergency folks would pitch in and things would go OK, that's not something to do just because I "don't feel like going."

But here's the thing: I'm glad I have those responsibilities because they make me go. You see, God deserves my worship whether I feel like going or not. And being in a relationship means sometimes doing things you don't feel like doing for the good of the relationship. It's good for my relationship with God for me to go, even if it's not what I would choose. So I'm glad for those responsibilities. God is important to me, worship is important to me, and accepting those responsibilities helps me stick to my priorities and helps me keep my relationship with God strong. I'm glad for that, and I'm glad I went that day even though I didn't want to. Not because of what I got out of it, but just because it was the right thing to do.

Preaching to myself

2008-06-20T07:19:00.001-07:00

My prayer life has been in the dumps this past week. I'm a single dad for 8 days while my wife is away working at a church camp. The kids have been in a camp themselves in the morning, which I thought would allow me to get work done. Which it has. But, like an idiot, I failed to recognize that a half day is not enough time to get in a full days worth of work. I'm not sure how I missed that one, but miss it I did. If I'd just been paying attention, I could have either front-loaded or just plain off-loaded a lot of things and this week would have been a snap. But I didn't, and as a result I've been running around like a lunatic trying to be a parent most of the day and still get a full weeks worth of work in.

Then I got the water bill.

It seems that our water piping from the street to the house blew a hole. How big? We lost 90 gallons in 60 minutes the other day. When I told the plumber that, he winced. That's never a good sign. I'm not sure how there's even any water getting to the house, but there was. Since we're in a drought and this wasted water was costing us a lot of money, I immediately turned the water off at the street except when absolutely necessary. Since then, it's been buckets and pitchers. So on top of the lunacy of single parenting and a full time job all at once, this week I've had the added lunacy of filling toilets with buckets and having to get major plumbing work done.

All of that means that I just have not taken the time to pray. Normally, I probably would have said "haven't had the time to pray," but that's not true. I did have time. I could have found 10, 15, even 30 minutes to pray. I just chose not to. I chose to let the strain and anxiety get to me. The neat thing is how I realized that. I realized it while writing my sermon for this week, which is about (you're gonna love this) getting rid of the distractions so we can get a reading from the true GPS: God's Positioning System.

My goal with each sermon is to have it be really meaningful to just one person. One person for whom it touches their soul. I figure if I can do that, I've done well. This week, that person is me. Everyone else may think the sermon stinks for all I know, but I sure learned something, and that's pretty cool.

The Perils of Having a Coffee Shop Office

2008-06-11T06:29:00.000-07:00

I have two offices. The first is Bagel Boys cafe, which is a bagel shop but also a coffee house. The second is a Starbucks. Most of the time it's great. They're safe places where folks can come and meet me, they're convenient, they're cheap, and they have free wi-fi so I can work when I'm not meeting new people or talking with whoever. Last night, though, I discovered a major downside to having a 'coffee shop office'.

Caffeine.

Last night at 8 pm at Starbucks I met with a couple about their wedding. Nice folks, had a great time. They offered to get me a drink, which was very kind, so I got a 'Decaf Mint Chocolate Chip Light'. It was a great drink, a great night, and afterwards I went home to relax and unwind. I tried, and I tried, and I just couldn't do either. I went to bed late, around 11, thinking that if I just got in bed I'd fall asleep. After 45 minutes of counting sheep, I suddenly realized what had happened. They didn't put the 'de' in my 'decaf'. I'd been given a full on, caffeinated beverage.

Many of you wouldn't even notice. Most Americans treat caffeine as the sixth (and most important) food group. It's the fuel of the American economy. Take away oil and we'll manage. Take away caffeine and it's "Day of the Dead." But not me. I don't drink too much caffeine, and when I do have a latte or something else that's got a lot of caffeine it tends to juice me up for awhile. It was about 2:30 before I got to sleep last night. Thankfully, God has blessed us with the Internet and stupid computer games to pass the time. Otherwise I would have gone insane staring at the ceiling for hours. Even though shooting aliens was fun, I would have much rather been asleep.

The next time I go to Starbucks at night, I'm getting water. Not 'vitamin water'. Not 'energy water' or any other new clever creations scientists have made from good ol' H20. Just a bottle of plain, ordinary water. Because even though I like where I go to the office, I definitely do not want to take the office home with me. Not like that, anyway.

Fog

2008-06-04T07:43:00.001-07:00

I did not realize until after my surgery that I've been in a fog for about two months. Ever since I first went to the dermatologist and looked through that brochure and realized I probably had skin cancer, I've just been in a daze. I haven't been thinking clearly, haven't been thinking through things very well, and was just generally befuddled. It reminds me of when we had our first child and I learned what the words 'sleep deprivation' really mean.

I'm surprised by how dazed I was. It wasn't that big a deal. Yes, it was cancer, but if you're gonna get cancer, this is the one to get. The surgery wasn't fun, but I've seen a lot worse. The recovery stunk, but like everything else (the pain, the stitches, etc.) it could have been worse. Heck, I feel like calling myself a cancer survivor is an insult to actual cancer survivors! So why the fog?

No clue. Could be the brush with my own mortality, just the unknown, subliminal fear, who knows. I don't have the faintest idea. What I do know is that I'm awake now, and ready to get my brain back into my work. For somebody without a brain, I think I've been doing fairly well. I don't seem to have done anything colossally stupid, and those who've known me for awhile and have seen some of my stupider moments will probably breath a sigh of relief at that. I'm certainly relieved. Still, it is nice to have my brain back online.

Oh- and worship attendance has actually gone up so far in summer. So I get skin cancer, lose my brain, summer starts, and attendance goes up. That's the wild, whacky world of church planting for you!

My nose and an interesting night

2008-05-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

The stitches are out! I had ten, and just got them out a few hours ago. Feels great. For ten days it has felt like someone is pulling on my skin, and it's nice to have that constant pressure gone. It'll also be nice not to hear any "Did you get in a bar fight?" jokes. They were funny at first, but I admit they've gotten a bit old. OK, a lot old. It looks like I'm going to have a bit of a scar, so I may get a few more of them as it continues to heal. Overall, though, it looks really good. You can hardly tell. Which is the point, after all.

It was a very interesting night last night with 7 Bridges to Recovery doing "A Day in the Streets." It started out with us being told that the group that when another group went out last Saturday there had been gunfire about ten feet away from them. In two months, we'd never heard of that before. At the first stop, we found out one of the homeless guys had been getting frisky when the women gave him hugs. Never heard that before either. At a later stop, one of the guys we were visiting thought that, given the bandage on my nose, it would be fun to pretend to punch me in the nose. It was harmless, and he was definitely joking, but having a drunk homeless guy pretend to punch you is not the greatest feeling. Especially because my reaction was to stand there like a deer in headlights. I'd like to think I'd have at least had the sense to flinch or something. That was new too. Then, at our final stop, someone ran over asking us to call 911 because someone was waving a pistol around nearby. That was something else that was new. But it was the final new thing that made me forget all the rest.

Someone came in last night. One of the homeless we've been visiting agreed to come to a shelter. That means more than just coming in to warm food and clean beds. At 7 Bridges, it means they are committing to following Jesus and ordering their life around him. She was committing to 'spiritual recovery' too, which is crucial for the homeless who are almost always addicts. And it was absolutely amazing. None of us who were doing it had ever been there when someone agreed to come in, and it was...great. Just great. To give food out is really neat. To share hugs and prayer is awesome. But to be there when someone comes in, that just takes the cake. Nothing can compare to that. Even the guns and the gross hugs and almost being punched in the nose (but not really).

Feeling the love

2008-05-22T12:19:00.000-07:00

So, I had a wee bit of surgery on Monday. It wasn't a huge deal, but neither was it fun. I had a 'Squamous Cell Carcinoma' removed from my nose. If you're going to get cancer, this is a great one to get. The odds are very, very good that after this minor operation I won't have to worry about this little bugger again. Then again, it was cancer, and that's never a good thing to have. Now it's over, and I've just got to get this 10-stitch scar to heal and I'm all set. It looks like Harry Potter's scar tilted to one side a bit, and on my nose instead of my forehead. I'm waiting for my special powers. :-)

Before the surgery, I thought I would send out emails and let the folks I love know what's up. I don't really know why I wanted those folks to know, I just did. And as I added people's names to the email, and the list got longer and longer, I just couldn't believe how many names were on it. By the time I finally sent it, there were way more people on that list than I had ever expected. And I thought "Wow, there are a lot of people I care about."

Then the replies started coming back. Friends I hadn't talked to in awhile, family members I hadn't seen in years. And then I thought "Wow, there are a lot of people who care about me!" I gotta tell ya, that was a great feeling. It was so wonderful to get all those emails of love and support. I've never really had any kind of health crisis before, so this was new for me, but now I feel like I'm the most beloved person on earth. Cancer sucks, even this minor kind. But feeling this much love is just awesome. It really feels great.

Thanks, everyone! I love you too!

I made it rain. Again.

2008-05-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

It's about an hour and a half before I need to go setup our booth for "Taste of Alpharetta." This is a festival that 60,000 people come to. The River is going to be there handing out balloons and doing face painting and sharing God's love and just letting folks know the church is out there. All of which sounds great, and would be great, if I wasn't going. Here's why:

Every time I go do this at a festival, it rains.

It's happened the last three times. The last two were complete rainouts. "Taste" is supposed to be 'rain or shine', but it's gonna be a whole lot more rain than shine. Last time I looked at the radar it was entirely filled with rain. North, south, east and west. The only dry places in three states were indoors. I doubt we'll get 6 people, never mind 60,000. All of which is lousy for growing The River, but is very good for Georgia. At last, the way to end the drought is clear. I just need to go to more festivals.

So if you know of any festivals, let me know. I'll go, and then we can take long showers again.

Theme Song #2

2008-04-02T06:46:00.000-07:00

One a week, eh? Whoops. I'm sure you have found the suspense difficult to manage. :-) I apologize for that.

This next song isn't as happy as the last one. I chose this one because it motivates me. It's by Alanis Morissette, and it's called "Joining You." Full lyrics are here, and you can listen to the song here (again, please don't download). In the song, a friend has tried to kill herself. This conversation takes place after. Here's the chorus:

if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses i'd be joining you
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials i'd be joining you

She lists lots of other things: if we were our successes, projections, incomes, etc. All things that, if we actually were, she would join her friend in committing suicide. But she doesn't, because we aren't. Still, that begs the question: what are we? If not those things, then what?

This is my theme song because that is a question millions of people are asking. It is a question that sums up life in 21st century America. Life today is a quest for meaning, for purpose. Morissette herself sings as much:

you and I we're like 4 year olds
we want to know why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak our minds
and never talk small and be intuitive
and question mightily and find god my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions

This is my theme song because I created The River for people like Alanis Morisette. People on a journey to ask questions, find God, and do it all with "like-minded companions." Listening to this song reminds of why I'm doing this, who it's for, and that the need is there. It gets me focused and centered. That's why it's my second theme song.

Coming in a few weeks: Theme Song #3, the one I listen to every Sunday on the drive to worship.

Theme Song #1

2008-03-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

This is the first of my three theme songs. I'm doing one a week. This one is by U2, whom I consider to be the greatest Christian rock band ever. They don't fit some people's views of being a "Christian band" because they don't play exclusively spiritual music. That's nuts. They are Christians, they write songs about God and faith and life, and they live their faith out by making the world a better place. And they've sold a gazillion albums. Thus, the greatest Christian rock band ever.

You can listen to the song here (and please listen and don't download). It's called "Walk On," originally recorded on the album "All That You Can't Leave Behind." The version I linked to is from the live September 11th Benefit Concert America: A Tribute to Heroes, and was recorded days after the attacks. They were in London, hence the "Hello from London" at the beginning. On the studio version, there is a different beginning (studio lyrics here). On the live version, here's how the song begins:
Heaven on earth
I need it now
I'm sick of all of this
Hanging around
I'm sick of the sorrow
Sick of the pain
Sick of hearing again and again
That there's never gonna be
Peace on earth

The end is similar to the studio album, but goes like this:

I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you deal
All you count on two fingers
And all that you steal...
You've got to leave it behind
Hallelujah!

And the rest of the song is one dude singing "You gotta leave it behind" while the other one sings "Hallelujah." And thus we come to the reason why this is my theme song: because he's leaving behind everything this world tells us we need and he's happy about it! He's glad! He's singing about leaving behind everything this world holds dear to make God's kingdom (heaven on earth) happen, and his life is better!

Leaving it behind for Jesus, and having life. That's Easter.
Hallelujah!

Getting dirty again

2008-03-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I was not afraid to get dirty. I worked in a food pantry. I volunteered in a homeless shelter. I fed the hungry, clothed the naked. I believed that the Kingdom of God was at hand (as Jesus said over and over), and was out there sharing it. Then I started thinking strategically. I realized that if I got other people to help with that work, then the Kingdom would grow even more. So I stopped doing that kind of work myself. I've been talking about it, but not doing it.

One of my mentors, Dave, lives in Colorado. Bill Easum is a church consulting big-wig, and when Dave told Bill that Dave had no business spending time with the poor himself. That his job was to do what I'd described- to get others out there doing the 'grunt work'. But Dave told me that when he looks into the eyes of those he's serving, he sees Jesus. It keeps him grounded. It keeps him focused. It keeps him close to God.

That's something that's been missing in my life. As a result, I've lost my voice. I can't speak about the power of the Kingdom of God breaking into these situations because I haven't seen it myself in a long time. As a result, my strategy doesn't seem to be working. I'm less able to inspire others to do this kind of work because it's been so long since I've done it myself.

I'm gonna start getting dirty again. It's time to stop talking about the Kingdom of God and to start showing it. Time to stop thinking and talking, and time to start doing and showing. So I'm gonna get dirty, and I invite you to join me. Email me, call me, whatever, and we'll go get dirty together. Then I won't have to tell you about the Kingdom of God. You can just experience it for yourself.

Religion in the US today

2008-02-26T07:36:00.001-08:00

Three different people (edit: four...and counting) have sent me a link to this article in the past day. Please read it. You can find the actual study here, and if you really want to dive in the data tables are here.

A couple of things that jumped out at me:
-the article begins "The US religious marketplace..." When did truth become something we buy and sell?
-the fourth largest religious affiliation in the US is 'none,' with 16% of the total population.
-most of those had an affiliation as children.
-only 1.6% of Americans are atheists, and only 2.4% are agnostics.
-that means that 12% (unaffiliated minus agnostics and atheists) believe in God but are unaffiliated.
-'no affiliation' is the fastest growing affiliation in the country.
-one in every ten Americans is an ex-Catholic...yikes!
-44% of Americans have changed affiliation during their life.

What does all this say to me?

First, 16% unaffiliated isn't all that bad. But when it's the fastest growing group, that's no so good for how we do church in America. Second, the last numbers I heard were that 40% of Americans go to worship (of any religion) on any given week. So there's 44% of the population that are affiliated but don't show up anywhere on a given week. That includes folks who go every other week, once a month, and a couple times year, so it's complex. But there are still lots of folks who are affiliated but not very active. I wish the study would have gotten into that.

Overall, this study shows me that there would be a tremendous market for The River if I thought truth was something to be bought and sold. But I don't. I'm also not all that worried about the numbers of 'unaffiliated' or the 44% who have switched affiliations. I don't care if folks who are The River view themselves as unaffiliated, Lutheran, or African Methodist Episcopal Spinach Tossing Bagel Munchers. Call yourself whatever you like. Truth is not something we're pouring from a denominational tap. It's a cup we're offering to anyone who is thirsty. Have a sip, chug it down, whatever. Stay for a swim or just dip a toe in, whatever. Because Jesus gives the water of life, not a denomination. And those who drink of the water he gives will never be thirsty, regardless of the tap it comes from.

To be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.

2008-02-19T07:01:00.001-08:00

This is really good stuff. It's a dramatic interpretation of the "Woman at the Well" from John 4:1-30. Click on the 'click here to preview' and watch it for free.

I was talking with someone Sunday who said that we no longer have a need for community. I had never thought of it that way before, but it's true. We fill up on 'activities' instead. Think about how much time we spend at them. Both adults and kids. We go from one thing to the next, and what we're typically doing is paying someone to provide a service to us. Karate, Basketball, Knitting, whatever. We're paying for a service. We aren't having conversation or experiencing relationships that involve authenticity or vulnerability because we don't have to. We go from activity to activity, day after day, week after week, year after year, and it's all about us: what we get. We hide our true selves, and live without a genuine relationship to be found.

Contrast that with this woman. She wants to be loved. And she knows that to do that, she has to be known. She has to be known! Otherwise, she cannot be loved. You can't have one without the other. Now, here's the really scary thing that she points out: despite our best efforts to hide, God knows you already. Hate to be the one to break it to you, but it's true. God knows you already. And God loves you. The real you. Not the one you bring to Starbucks or the one you show online. The real you. God knows the real you, and God loves you.

And if you're good enough for God, why worry about what anybody else thinks?

It's scary being vulnerable, but we are vulnerable to God. We like to pretend we aren't, but we are. Instead of fighting that vulnerability, do what she does and embrace it. Knowing we are loved by God frees us to be authentically known by other people, and so to be authentically loved by them. It's freeing.

So skip the activities. Instead, be known. And be loved.

What do we call ourselves

2008-02-11T12:43:00.000-08:00

Somebody asked me last week what I call people who are part of our community. Most folks in Lutheran churches refer to folks who are part of their community as "members." Well, we don't have members, and I don't want to have them. It just doesn't fit who we are. But that leaves us in a bit of a predicament because, as the questioner appropriately wondered, what do we call each other?

I've been wondering about that off and since I started on this journey in The River. For most of the past year and a half, that's how I've been referring to them: folks who are in The River. I still think that's pretty good, but I recently found a better description. It happened when I was in Colorado a few weeks back, but only last week did it coalesce in my brain into this idea.

The speaker was talking about offerings, and he took issue with the idea that people are giving to 'the church'. His point- we are the church! We don't give to the church, we are the church! It's just taking our money and putting it in a different account. He is correct- we are not in The River. We are The River. I am The River, and so is anyone else who identifies themselves as such. We are The River.

So from now on, I'm not going to refer to anyone as being in The River. I'm going to say the people who are The River. It's gonna take me a little while to be used to saying it that way, but it's the best way I've found to say it.

Perception

2008-02-04T06:08:00.000-08:00

We've recently added more tables (and thus more seating) during worship. That's a great thing, for obvious reasons. But I something interesting happened yesterday.

As we were singing, I looked out and thought "Huh. Looks like about the same size crowd used to have back in the fall when attendance was lower." Then after worship I talked with our 'attendance counter', and he told me how many people had been there. And I thought "Huh. That's higher than it was in the fall. In fact, that's about what I expected." So why did it not look that way to me? I quickly realized that the new tables threw me off. As I looked out, the density of people was unchanged. But they took up a larger space. So while the number of people looked like it was about the same, it was in fact larger than back in the fall.

Perception. So many things go into it. Is what I'm seeing accurate? Am I thinking things are better than they are or worse? Maybe a more appropriate question would be "Which things am I too optimistic about, and which am I too pessimistic about?"

One reality is that I will never be able to see the whole picture. No one can. I will always have blind spots. As we grow as a body of Christ, one of my tasks is to find people with different blind spots so we can work together to have an accurate picture of what is really going on. Not people with no blind spots, because that will never happen. Just different ones, so our sight lines overlap. The other reality is that God will always be at work in ways we don't even see, so no matter how many people are looking we'll never have the whole picture anyway.

Still, I found one of my blind spots yesterday. That was a good thing. I pray God will work through those around me to bring intersecting sight lines. And I pray for God to grant me faith to know that God is at work in ways I will never see.

The Painting

2008-01-23T07:21:00.000-08:00

Last week I went to Denver for a conference, and got to not only visit my former home but to see a lot of good friends at the church I interned at. It had been almost eight years since I left, and these were some people that I love dearly and had not seen since. During those years the church had blown up like few I have ever seen. A lot of people I love got hurt by that, and it was good to see them and reconnect and know that they are doing very well.

After seminary, that church wanted me back and I wanted to go back. Beth, however, really did not want to go back to Denver. So I told them that I was not coming, they ended up calling some other folks, the place blew up, lots of people got hurt, and I was left wondering "What if?" Not with the blow up, but with my life. With my calling.

Here I am, in Atlanta, doing what I think God wants me to do, living the life I think God wants me to live. I think God has led me here, that God has reasons for me being here, and that God is at work in my life growing the kingdom. My kids were born here. I have friends here. My roots here as deep as they have been anywhere since my childhood home.

However, I think I could have been just as happy in Colorado. Could have had a life and a ministry just as good. My being here was God's plan, but does that mean that me going back to Colorado was not God's plan? It's inconceivable to me that, if I had gone back, it would have been less wonderful for me and less fruitful for the kingdom than being here. So what to think?

I'm starting to question the idea that God has a plan for our lives. A plan is followed 1-2-3. Three can't happen until two does, and two doesn't happen until one does. It's a step by step process. But when I look at the history of what God has done in the bible, I don't see a step by step plan. I see a vision, a picture, an ideal that God is working towards. People do things along the way that either help or hurt the progress of that vision, so God does different things at different times to get things moving back toward that vision. But it does not seem to be 1-2-3, like a construction project. It seems more like a painting being painted than a car being assembled.

Paintings are not done in a linear fashion. It's a little bit here, a little bit there, in different steps and stages, with layers of paint being placed on top of each other. I think our lives are more a work of God's art than an erector set. I think there is room for different colors, different backgrounds, and for us to make choices. I think maybe God doesn't give us "A or B" choices. I think maybe God gives us options for some of what goes in our painting, and we get to fill parts in ourselves.

I'm in Atlanta, and I think God wants me here. I'm thankful to God that I am here. If I had the opportunity to move to Colorado right now, I would say 'No thanks'. And if God wanted me to move there, we'd have a long conversation that could involve me being swallowed by fish. This is where I am supposed to be. But I'm starting to think that maybe God doesn't have a 1-2-3 plan for me. Maybe God has a painting for me, and is letting me choose some of what goes in it. Or maybe I'm a heretic. I don't know. But I do know that a life that's painted sounds a lot more like the God I know than a life that's assembled 1-2-3.

My role in the community

2008-01-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

I was at a buddy's wedding two weekends ago. Even though he's not Christian, he asked me to do the wedding. There are several reasons he asked me to do this, and some of them are very good reasons. I performed the wedding, and I'm glad I did. One of the reasons he asked me is simply that I'm a pastor, and pastors do weddings. In his mind, that's part of my role in the community. Just as a firefighter fights fires and teacher educates children, I do weddings.

While there, I had a great conversation a woman whose job is to connect those needing free health care with providers willing to give it to them. We got talking about community service organizations, and what it's like giving something away when you know people are taking advantage of you. I shared that I will always give away food, no matter who asks or why. Her response was "Of course- that's your role in the community."

The lack of spirituality in their perception of my job was disturbing. I help people as a spiritual imperative that comes out of my relationship with Jesus Christ, not because it's my 'role'. I do weddings for Christians because they want God to bind them together, and my presence (as a pastor, not as 'me') helps them do that where no other job holder could.

I think this points to the fact that 'spirituality' and 'pastor' are not linked in the minds of people outside of Christianity. When people who are not Christian seek meaning and answers in life, they will turn to all kinds of places before they look to a pastor. We are not viewed as spiritual mentors and leaders by non-Christians. That's really annoying, because God put me on this earth to help people outside existing Christian communities grow deeper in their own personal faith. But the very people I'm trying to reach don't seem to be looking to me for that.

Problem is, what other title is there? Pastor Karen Ward at Church of the Apostles in Seattle goes by "Abbess," like in a monastery. Somehow, I don't think that work too well in Alpharetta :-). River guide? I like that image, it fits with our metaphor, but it would take so much explaining that it makes me tired just thinking about it. So I don't really know what to do...which means I'll probably stick with just plain old 'pastor,' and do my best to let folks know who I am and what that means for me. I hope that some day the word 'pastor' can become more associated with spirituality, but in the meantime I'm hoping I can use one to be the other for people. Use the way I am viewed in the community to get the word out that I am here to help people with their spirituality.

That's the hope, anyway. I'll let you know how it goes.

New Years resolutions

2008-01-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

I don't usually do these, but then I thought "Well, why not?" I couldn't come up with a good answer, so here goes. These are in 'stream of consciousness' order, which is to say 'no order at all'.

1. Clean my house. Now I know what you're thinking: does that have to do with The River? Well, if there's one thing I learned in seminary (and it might be only one) it's that I have to have my own act together before I can be effective. And the house is a wreck.

2. Exercise more. Take more walks, do some more Yoga. Maybe even swim more in the summer. Same reason as #1. However, I will NOT be joining a gym or starting running. Yuck.

3. Plan ahead better. As we're growing, there are more people wanting (and needing) to do ministry. If I can be a better planner, our overall ministry will be more effective.

4. Pray more, and read my bible more.

5. Pray that God either finds someone to lead a Family Cluster or gives me the patience to deal with it not happening.

6. Do even more community outreach.

7. Be more active in witnessing to my friends. I'm still a little skittish, and I need to just walk off the proverbial cliff without looking around so much.

8. Work with the Vision team to figure out who 'The River' is, then to figure out where God wants us to go.

9. Watch more foreign films and HBO shows. There's a lot of thought provoking movies made overseas. I enjoy Hollywood drivel, but I also like movies that make me think. And HBO puts out some of the most compelling characters and stories on TV. They contain much truth about humanity, and thus really make me think about my relationship to God.

10. Do more for North Fulton Community Charities. I think we can really do a lot to help them, and it's a tremendous opportunity to really make a difference and also to show folks who we really are.

11. Start bowhunting again. Now that the kids are sleeping all night, I'd really like to get out in the woods and commune with God by killing Bambi. When I'm in the woods hunting, I feel like I'm participating in something God made me to do. But it's simple and peaceful and calm, unlike most of the other things I do. OK, so the actual killing part isn't very peaceful, but the fifty hours waiting for Bambi to walk by sure are.

So there you go. Eleven things I'd like to do in 2008. They're actually all realistic, so I don't have any excuses. Especially when it comes to cleaning the house.

Why we are the way we are

2007-12-19T06:49:00.001-08:00

US News & World Report just published this article about a growing movement in American spirituality. It's about how many American Christians are looking to return to some of the traditions of the faith as a way to ground their experience and find authenticity.

The reason I post this article is because it describes pretty well what we are trying to be and why. A community rooted in the traditions of our faith, but one that reimagines them for today. One that is grounded in orthodoxy, but lives it out in ways that are relevant for today. This article will help you understand a little bit of why we do things the way we do, and what we are hoping to accomplish by doing them that way. Check it out.

Freedom

2007-12-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

It turns out that being sick is actually kind of liberating. When we were sick last week, we let all kinds of important things slide. We had no choice in the matter- we just couldn't do them. And lo and behold, the world did not end. There was even a good crowd in worship on Sunday. In fact, if I miss a week of work due to sickness or vacation worship attendance is always high. My wife Beth jokes that if I just stopped working altogether, The River would be bursting at the seams. She just might be right.

When I'm well, I work, and I get focused on me doing the work. But it is not me doing the work. God is the one building The River. That's true of everything in life. God has done it all. Family, friends, hobbies, all of it comes from God. God makes it all happen. I only get stressed when I either forget that and try to do it myself, or when I get focused on the minutiae of daily life.

I remember when a buddy of mine told me about the prayer Pope John XXIII prayed every night. I don't know if it's true or just an urban legend, but according to my buddy every night John XXIII would end his prayers with "Lord, it's your church. I'm going to bed."

Now that I'm out of bed, I'm trying to remember that. To still work hard, but to know that it's not up to me. It's God's church, and God is at work, whether I'm in bed or not.

The Porcelain God

2007-12-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's where I've been spending a bit of time lately: "worshiping the porcelain God." If you don't get the euphemism, good for you! If you do, then you know what the past few days have been like. Add to that the fact that our whole family had it, and you can see that things have not been fun around here. Our five year old has had it since Thursday and only today are we convinced she's recovered. Our two year old got it Friday and was fine Saturday, but then relapsed (if that's the word) on Sunday and again Monday. So we're still not sure whether he's over it or not.

What's most interesting to me, though- and what has led to this post- is what happened to my wife Beth and I. We both got it Sunday night, after leading worship that morning. Somehow, despite both our kids getting sick Thursday and Friday, we managed to avoid being overcome until after Sunday morning had passed. You see, there is absolutely no way either of us could have led worship once this bug hit. There wasn't an hour away from the 'porcelain God' to spend worshiping the real God. Yet somehow, the illness was stayed until after Sunday worship had passed.

Looking back, I realized that I have never missed a Sunday due to sickness. Ever. Other than some other work thing (such as a retreat or conference) or vacation, I have only missed three Sundays: two were for the birth of my children, and one was for the funeral of my grandmother. There have even been Sundays where I felt quite sick, yet while I was leading worship I felt fine. I remember one time I had a sore throat and could barely talk, yet when I stood up to preach my voice was clear as a bell. It just seems like God reaches out a protective and healing hand when I am sick and about to lead worship. It's an amazing witness to how God lifts us up to do the work to which we have been called.

The Flock

2007-11-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

In the AJC last week, 'Dear Abby' had a headline that read "Pastor must meet flock before he can shepherd it." You can read the article online here (it's from the Kansas City but it's the same article). While I can't comment on the article that prompted this one, I think this article is just fine. It's good stuff, and worth a read. But what got me thinking is the title and the whole concept of a pastor as shepherd.

Jesus said in John 10:11 "I am the good shepherd" (read that section of John 10 here). He goes on to say in verse 16 "I have other sheep, too, that are not in this sheepfold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my void, and there will be one flock with one shepherd."

I want to help them follow Jesus, and for all people to be part of that one flock. His flock. In order to do that I'm called to lead this community. Indeed, right now I have to lead it in order for it to become what God intends (someday someone else will lead it, but for right now it's me). I welcome that and am excited about that. I'm also having the time of my life. But at the same time, I am a sheep too. I follow Jesus. I get lost in the woods. I get sheared, I worry about getting turned into mutton, I deal with all the same stuff other sheep do.

So I try not to think of myself as a shepherd. Jesus is the shepherd. The way I see it, I'm just a sheep, and all of us sheep have unique talents and gifts. Mine lie in helping others follow the shepherd, but I am not the shepherd. I'm one blessed sheep who knows the Good Shepherd, and I'm trying to help the other sheep follow him.

Baa.

When it rains...

2007-10-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

...we get very, very happy. Keep praying! It's been raining for a couple days now, but it's not the time to quit. It's the time to keep praying! This is a drought, and it's gonna take a lot of rain to end it. So keep praying, and hopefully God will send the rain we need.

Thinking about the rain has got me thinking about my day today. One of the things that I have not had to do a lot of since starting The River is what is called 'pastoral care.' That's when someone has a problem and they call a pastor for help. Maybe they just need to talk, need prayer for a sick relative, some basic counseling, whatever. I'm not quite sure why it's not just called 'care', but somehow since I'm a pastor it gets called 'pastoral care'.

Anyway, there hasn't been much of that in the past year. Until today. All of a sudden, folks are coming out of the woodwork. Living here, it can look like life is all happy and pretty and no one has any problems. Today it's as if the rain has washed that veneer away and the misery of life is coming to the surface. I'm glad to help these folks. I'm glad they came to me, and I'm glad they are reaching out. I wish I could help more people, and I ask you to help by praying for them.

I also hope today will be a reminder for you, as has been for me. A reminder that this community is about as nice a place to live as you'll find, and people's lives are still a mess. They are hurting, they are broken, and they are in need of help. There is plenty of ministry to be done right here to hurting people.

In an email, the director of a local service organization for kids with disabilities wrote to me about our helping at one of their events: "Good people coming together for the right reasons. Probably what Jesus had in mind. Not so many rules...just love one another." Indeed, and today has been a reminder to me that there is still a big need for that. Today, I'm going to go try and help some hurting people feel God's love. Wherever you are, I hope you will do the same.

Let it rain.

If God didn't want us here....

2007-10-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

...this would be a good place to be.

link

The things you can buy online....

Reality Check

2007-10-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

It's kinda funny how I sometimes have trouble noticing the progress we have made. For instance, the other day someone from The River called and the conversation went like this:

"Hello," I answered.
"Hey, how are you?" he said.
"Doing well, yourself?" I replied, recognizing the voice.
"Good thanks...what are you up to?"
"Oh, nothing much...just starting a church," I joked.
"Haven't you started it already?" he deadpanned.

To everyone else, it probably seemed obvious, but I had missed that little detail. It's already started. Something accomplished right there. Obvious, perhaps, but easy to miss in the hazy craziness of actually doing the work.

So now I'm looking around at where we are and thinking, "Wow, we really have come pretty far." The list of people connected to this community has grown a lot in the past 6 months, and it continues to grow. Leaders continue to emerge. More and more people are growing closer to God and each other. Lives are being touched, needs are being met, and God's reign is growing through what we are doing. There's lots of good stuff happening. We really have come a long way. Sure, there's a ways to go yet, but we're never going to be done. The work will never be complete until Jesus returns. But significant progress has been made, and that is something to celebrate and for which we can all be thankful.

So if we're chatting or emailing or you just read this blog and I get lost in the trees again, please feel free to help me see the forest. Sometimes I get so far into it that I can't actually see it, and that's a shame, because this is one neat forest that's growing here, and I'm so glad to be part of it.

With or without me

2007-09-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

I'm someone who has never really failed at anything. I failed only one class in my whole life. It was high school Calculus, and I failed because I took a nap every day during class. I actually had a passing average going into the final exam, but USA network was showing a Magnum PI marathon the day before the final and I watched that all day instead of studying. Other than that one class, I've never really failed at anything. So when I look around The River and see fewer folks than I would like, I get nervous (even though I have no clue how many people it would take for me to not be nervous). That nervousness can be a good thing because it motivates me. It can be a bad thing because it can make me forget who is really doing the work of transforming lives. This week, I got a powerful reminder that God is actually doing that work. Even more, I saw that God is going to do it with or without me.

What happened is simple: I learned that one of the Clusters that is part of The River became a 'Cluster' before they'd ever heard of The River. They became a cluster before we'd ever met. They became a Cluster before they even knew what a Cluster was. They became a Cluster by following along where they thought God was leading them, and in so doing they discovered for themselves this powerful new way of being God's people. In fact, I've learned more about Clusters from them than they have from me.

God is doing something new in the world. God is showing people a different way of being community, a new way of being church. God is at work, and that work is bigger than me. It's bigger than The River. Instead of being the one to make it happen, I'm merely blessed to be part of it. It's not about whether or not I fail. All I have to do is stay awake, not watch Magnum PI all day, and get on board with what God is doing. Because God is doing it, not me, and God is going to do it with or without me. I'm just blessed to be one small drop in the gigantic river that is God 's work in the world.

Christ and Christianity

2007-09-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

I was talking about witnessing with a buddy who shared that he didn't think the person to whom I was witnessing was "looking for Christianity." I found that phrase interesting, because that's not what I was trying to do at all. I was not sharing Christianity. I was trying to share Christ. While to some the two may seem redundant, that got me thinking about Christ and Christianity and how that distinction informs what it means to be The River.

Being down on Christianity as an institution is becoming quite popular these days. Folks everywhere are coming to terms with the decline of the church as a center of community life. Some choose to fight for it to return there. Others look for a different way. I include myself in the second category. As I have tried to rediscover what it means to be church in this new culture, I have been very hard on the institutional church. My belief for awhile was that the whole concept of institutional church was bad, and it needed to be thrown out entirely.
If you're paying close attention, you may have even noticed that it's just The River. Not "The River Church" or "The River Lutheran Church" even though I am a Lutheran, we are part of a Lutheran denomination, and our theology is Lutheran. That was an intentional choice to show that we are seeking to be something different, something unlike other Christian communities around town.

My friend Mike has since helped me see the value in institutional churches. You can read his article here. It's very good stuff, and helped me rethink a lot of my views. Meanwhile, as we have continued to get the word out, I have found that taking the word church out has created some confusion. Folks don't know what we are. Church comes with baggage, that's for sure. But not using that word has baggage too. And that's just one word! What to do?

I'm thinking it goes back to that conversation about sharing Christ. We are not sharing Christianity, with it's rules and property and billboards and whatnot. We share Christ. My efforts in witnessing and reaching out are focused solely in that direction, and those of others as well. Moreover, I think Christ is what people are looking for. I think Christ is what people need. They don't need to be members or an impressive building or any of that stuff. They need Christ, and that is what we are sharing.

As I look down the road, though, I now think we will probably build an institution of some type. In some ways, it will be different from the institutional church of today. In some ways, it will probably be maddeningly similar. But the goal is not to build the institution. The goal is to share Christ. That is the goal. The institution is a way to do that, a way to share Christ with each other and experience Christ together. It is a means to an end. It is not to be shared itself, because it is not the point. The institution is the boat on which we journey down the river that is God.

So maybe we add "Church" after "The River," or that we build a nice building with a sign out front. Who knows. I don't. But I do think that if we can keep Christ as the focus rather than Christianity, we'll be all right because we are keeping first things first. The institution isn't bad any more than river rafts are bad. It has a purpose, and instead of throwing it out we'll just be careful to use it how it's meant to be used: a way to share Christ. Because that really is what it's all about.

Opus & Lola discuss heaven

2007-09-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

This cartoon was in the paper a few weeks ago. It got me thinking in lots of ways, and fortunately none were about the yoga bit.

It got me thinking about God and grace. About how we like to pick and choose who gets in and who gets left out. About how offensive it can be when someone we deem 'unworthy' gets in. And it got me thinking about whether the bit about Jerry Falwell would be true. Can you even be annoyed in heaven? Doesn't that defeat the point?

I've been thinking about it for a few weeks, so here you go. Love it, hate it, decide for yourself. Click the pic for a larger version.

Prayer & fasting

2007-08-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today I tried fasting and praying for the first time. I'd prayed before, but never fasted. It wasn't a marathon or anything; only about an hour and a half. But given the spiritual shenanagins going on, I thought it was time to give it a try.

It was definitely an experience. I was focused, and the Holy Spirit showed up in a powerful way.

As part of that experience, the Spirit led me to read Ephesians. Yes, the whole thing. It's really not that long. It was just what I needed to read.

I think vigilance will be required in the weeks ahead, but I also think I did more for this ministry in that hour and a half than the whole rest of this month put together. I'm not going to run out and do it again tomorrow. I think the reason it was so powerful is that God was calling me to do it. But now I know what it's like, and how great it can be, and I look forward to doing it again.

Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink

2007-08-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

That’s a quote from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. The Wikipedia entry has a summary, and is here. It’s a poem from back in the day when poems went beyond the short and pithy (Coleridge is actually one of those who took poetry from long stories into the modern 'short and pithy' format). In the poem, sailors are stuck in a calm and dying of thirst. To find out why, you’ll have to read the poem. What matters here is the irony of dying of thirst while being on an ocean full of water. “Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink.”

Well, The River isn’t dying of thirst. But lots of others are. Spiritually, they are thirsty, and they can't find water. Jesus is the water they seek, as he described in John 4, and that's what we're trying to share. Living water, so that on one will be spiritually thirsty again. There were two specific things planned last week to share that living water, and both ended up getting undone by way too much actual water.

The first was a bottled water handout during football practice at Wills Park. It’s hot, and there are a whole lot of parents sitting in the sun baking while their kids practice. So both the football association and park gave their blessing, and I spent a lot of time getting the water, a table, and volunteer help. Then we showed up and found out there was a nice lady selling drinks at the request of the VP of the football association. It was her job, she was going to be there every night while it was hot, and she had a no-compete. No one else could sell or give out anything when she worked. So we left, and that effort went out the window. So we have all this bottled water, yet the folks we are trying to reach are still thirsty.

Sunday was the other thing- an ice cream fund raiser for The Drake House. And the bottom line there is that we were about 30 minutes into this two hour event when it got rained out. Actually, that’s an understatement. It was ‘monsoon-ed’ out. I haven’t been that wet in a long time. We managed to meet a few folks and give out of our spiffy new brochures, but we lost a whole lot more to the storm than we gave out. Once again, plenty of water, yet the folks we are trying to reach remained thirsty for living water.

The irony is obvious- actual water is getting in the way of sharing living water. Only I don't think it's the water doing it. I think something is at work trying to stop what we are doing, and in a cruel twist they chose actual water to do it. There are forces at work in this world that are not from God. I can't explain them, I don't know what they are, but I know they are out there. They are real, and I think they are working to oppose us. And just to be cute, they chose actual water to oppose our attempts to share living water.

Maybe you don't believe in stuff like that whole 'spiritual forces' bit. Maybe you think I'm nuts, that it just rained and that we just got unlucky. Maybe, but enough other stuff happened last week to make me think it's too much for a coincidence. I think something is going on, and I think they got too cute for their own good. Now I know. Now you know. The word is out. We know they're there, and what they are doing. I ask you to join me in praying that God will dropkick them out of the way so the floodgates of living water can open, and the Holy Spirit can pour out on those who need it, so that all may drink of living water and never be thirsty again.

A trip to the beach and a nice whack on the head

2007-08-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

We've been in a bit of rut lately. And it's not just that there have not been a lot of new faces in The River, but that I have found myself increasingly spending time doing 'office' work and not out meeting people. I've been in kind of a funk, because it's not just that I haven't been out meeting people. I haven't been motivated to go out and meet new people. That's what I loved at first about The River- that I was supposed to be out meeting people instead of sitting in some office. But it's so different, and the adjustment took a larger toll than I thought. It got kinda tiring. So I lapsed into what I knew, and here I was doing office work. Doing that which I had taken this job to avoid simply because it felt normal and comfortable when I was tired.

Well, I'm not so tired any more. I spent a week at the beach doing nothing, and I got a solid recharge. It was great. A week of doing nothing. Just watching the ocean, thinking about how it doesn't change, thinking about how God doesn't change. Then I got this sent this article here, and it was a whack on the head that I didn't need to change what I had been doing either.

Please read the article. If you do, you will glimpse how The River got started. It got started through relationships and conversations about faith. Not a program, not an attraction, but by relationships and conversations. And as I read the article, I realized I had done a lot of that stuff. Turns out I'm good at getting to know people. It's one of my gifts. So is having conversations about faith. And I need to use that gift. So I'm gonna take some of those suggestions and go out and meet some new folks or get to know some other folks better. I'm going to go back to what got us here, and The River will grow.

Meantime, I need to figure out how to help the other folks in The River do this sort of thing. Because WOW, if we could all do that, what a miracle that would be! God's kingdom would grow by leaps and bounds. It was would be amazing. A real, true miracle of God's grace. One that got restarted by a trip to the beach and a whack on the head.

It's your church

2007-07-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've edited this post, because the original did not say what I wanted to say. It had some drivel about Lee Iacocca or something...anyway, I've changed it to more accurately say what I was trying to say before. Yes, I know that's what the 'Save as draft' button is for. Oh well.

I keep hearing that. We're doing a brochure, and lots of folks have looked at it, and after giving me their thoughts several folks have said something like "But it's your church." Same thing with songs, or napkins, or whatever. Folks will tell me what they like or don't like, but ultimately they leave the decision with me because "it's my church."

Well, it's not my church. It's not their church. It's God's church. God started it, God runs it, and I'm not even the middle man. I'm the guy who knows more about churches than most people, so I'm the guy who leads it. That's it. That's my job, and my gift. To lead. I'm not good at brochures. I'm not good at songs either. Anyone who has heard me sing can tell you that much.

And the truth is that lots of people have helped with many of these things. There has been a lot of input from others on the brochure, a lot of input from others on songs. That's been great, and it's great that folks around here know that I'm not good at everything, and that not everything I do turns to gold. Heck, there are 3 projects going on now that I have little or nothing to do with. I'm not doing it all. But I also know that it's too early for most others to really feel comfortable with big decisions. It takes awhile for people to feel comfortable making big choices. I've been doing this a year, most other folks considerably less, so in many cases I really do know best.

But being 'best' at something doesn't make me good at it. And yet some things need to get done, and since I know best I am logically the person to do them, and I'm just not good at all of them. I get frustrated by my own ineptitude. I don't know if this will go away or not. I just know that it's not fun knowing something is important, being the best person for the job, and still not being good at it.

Oh, the Grand Old Duke of York...

2007-07-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

I remember a kids song I sang in grade school.

Oh, the Grand Old Duke of York
He had a thousand men
He marched them up the hill
and he marched them down again.

And when you're up, you're up
And when you're down, you're down
And when you're only halfway up
You're neither up nor down.

There were motions that went with it- when they marched up the hill, you stood up. When they marched down, you sat down. There are other lyrics, but we repeated those over and over, faster and faster, until we couldn't keep up and just started laughing hysterically. It was lots of fun.

Well, starting a church is a lot like that song. Three weeks ago, we had a record high attendance. Then the week after, we had a record low attendance. It's like that song- you're up, you're down, and it's just crazy. Expecting it to come helped- I had predicted in my last post that we would follow our record attendance with it being "me and 12 crickets." Being prepared for the up & down helps. So did the comment of my boss/mentor, who said "Enjoy the crickets and the weeks with no money." I'm still trying to figure out what that meant.

There are still plenty of positive signs. Lets face it, there were still twenty three people who could have been somewhere else and yet chose The River. That is a positive. The truth is that there are lots of positives, and all in all things are going well.

Still...

And when you're up, you're up
And when you're down, you're down
And when you're only halfway up
You're neither up nor down.

Progress!

2007-07-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was a big week for The River, and a big week for me.

Two weeks ago in worship, I had shared the financial status of The River- that we end every month with $500-$1,000 less in the bank than we started with, and that the difference is 7 families giving $35 more per week. Also, the Vision Team had made the first Sunday of each month "Invitiation Sunday" as a way to get before everyone the idea that we are to invite others to The River. Two weeks ago was the first time we had rolled that out as well.

Making these kind of appeals are a new thing for me. In many ways, I'm still new to the captain's chair. I have plenty of experience in church work, and I'm pretty darn sure I have the skills to lead a church, but I haven't put them into practice before. It's one thing to think it and know it, quite another to actually do it. The River is my first venture as the leader of a church, so I've wondered how things like this would go. So what happened?

We had our first break-even week and highest attendance since Easter.

So it was a really big week for The River, because it showed all of us that growth is happening and that we can do this. It also showed me that I can do this- that I can be the leader of a church in all respects. Obviously, I'm gonna be better at some and worse at others, but all this time spent looking, listening and learning paid off. I feel really good about that, and really good about the future of The River. Enough so that I was able to really enjoy taking the 4th off.

Since this is a roller coaster ride, I fully expect that next Sunday in worship it will be me and a dozen crickets, but we still made progress last week, and nothing can change that, and nothing can change what it did for my confidence and the confidence of the folks on this journey. Yay, God!

random things

2007-06-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Here are a few random things:

-My 4 year old has a stuffed cat that she has named "Stupid Black Cat." Which is kinda funny, but what makes it even funnier is that that is completely white. I just think that's hysterical.

-had a 'perfect storm' of technology problems last week. The PC busted right at the same time the PDA was running out of batteries. By the time the PC was fixed, the PDA batteries were dead, and I had lost 1 months worth of updates. It's very annoying, but since I have no idea what was planned, I feel kinda free. Which is nice, even if it could turnout to be a pain later.

-last week we got a packet from the Women of the ELCA (ELCA is our denomination). It had 20 pieces of paper telling us about twenty different things. Twenty! I'm not sure what they were thinking, sending us all that, but my guess is that they weren't thinking at all. Don't get me wrong- all of it looks like good stuff. But it's a total information overload, and I just don't think the "throw it all against the wall and see what sticks" strategy works anymore, because I don't think anything sticks. I think it all falls in the trash, which is where this is gonna go.

-I have seen the future. Not surprisingly, it will be made by Microsoft. link

-we've had new folks come and enjoy the experience of worship each of the past two weeks. Pray for a third this Sunday! It was wonderful, it was exciting, and it happened in the summer! So, good for God, and good for The River.

I promise to post some more of my typical 'deep and meaningful' (or is it 'deep and full of it'?) stuff before too long.

Programs

2007-06-15T06:52:00.001-07:00

I saw this, and it made me laugh out loud because I've been there (but without the fancy technology). I've tried to organize people so that the church could welcome and greet new people. Spent a lot of time on it, actually, so I know what it's like to sit there and see someone new and think "Where is that greeter?!?!"

But what I also remember is what happened when I invited a friend to my last church. She went quite a few times over a couple months, but ended up leaving because no one but the greeter said hello to her. And that makes sense. Why would anyone else say hello to her? That's what the greeters are for!

The Greeter program was created to compensate for the congregation being unfriendly to new people. This is the origin of many church programs. For instance, Sunday School teaches kids about God because parents don't. There's a long list of church programs that are created to make up for Christians not doing what they are supposed to do.

But what I've noticed is that the problem doesn't go away. An unfriendly congregation remains unfriendly whether there are greeters or not. What worked best at my last church was simply going up to members, one-on-one, and coaching and encouraging them to seek out new people and welcome them. That's what worked there, and that's why we aren't going to have programs in The River.

Our focus is on building people, not programs. Helping individuals to be disciples- to be followers of Jesus Christ. And I think that if we have a community full of disciples, we won't have to worry about greeting visitors or caring for the sick or teaching children faith, because folks will just do it. Not so the church can survive, or so it can grow, or any of that stuff. They'll do it because it's who they are. They'll do it because they can't not do it. They'll do it because they love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength, and they love their neighbors as themselves.

That's the vision for a church without programs, and we'll see what happens. It's an idea which has gotten some pretty funny looks, but those looks quickly fade from my memory. The one that doesn't is the face of my friend who came and went because we built programs instead of people. That one is burned into my memory.

People, not progams.
That's what the church of Jesus Christ is all about.

Him too?!

2007-06-12T08:29:00.001-07:00

I was quite surprised to hear that Michael Savage is in the same boat many of us are- that he believes in God, even loves God, but just doesn't feel at home in a church.

I should preface all this by saying that I am not a fan of Savage. I listen to him for two reasons:
1. His station is the only talk radio I can get late at night while driving
2. He's so crazy, he's entertaining

I listen to other conservatives on the radio, but I think Michael Savage is a loon. Certifiable. Instead of writing a book called "Liberalism is a Mental Disorder," he should have been checked for one himself. But the fact is that he is as conservative as you can get, and he can't find a church that works for him! Conservatives are supposed to be in church- it's supposed to be part of being conservative. That's the stereotype, anyway: low taxes, family values, Sunday church, all that stuff is supposed to go hand-in-hand. So if you follow the stereotype (which is always dangerous), you would expect that if anyone would be in church, it would be him. But he's not. Why?

As he said in his broadcast, "Because when he's been in them, he doesn't feel anything."

Wow.

So even though you would expect him to be plugged in somewhere, The River is for Michael Savage. And even though I think he is a loon, The River is for Michael Savage. I doubt we'll ever see him, but he's the kind of person it was started for: people who feel God's presence every place but church. If Michael Savage walked in the door I would shake his hand and say "Welcome home," because The River isn't for just conservatives or just liberals. It isn't just for the good people. It isn't just for the people who are 'supposed' to be in church. Heck, it isn't even just for the sane.

The River is for anyone who wants a connection God and people to share the journey with, and doesn't have them now. That's it. None of the rest matters.

So, Mr. Savage, I invite you to come home. I invite you to wade deeper into the presence of God. I invite you to The River. Because it was started for people looking for God and community. It was created for you.

A glimpse of my own mortality

2007-06-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

No, I don't mean 'something that reminded me that I'm gonna die someday.' I've seen enough death to be pretty aware of that all the time. But in this case, I mean the effect my mortality could have on The River. What happened is that Beth (my wife, and also a pastor) had to call in sick on a Sunday morning. We've both been pastors for about 6 years, and that was the first time either of us had had to call in sick on a Sunday. She was in terrible shape and was supposed to fill-in at a church in Alabama, and she literally would not have made it. She would have passed out while driving and wrecked. And even if she had made it there, she would have had to leave at some point during the worship because of the vile things going on with her body. She just could not have done it.

It was a fill-in gig, but it got me thinking "What if that had been me? What if I had been unable to lead worship at The River that day?" The answer, sadly, was that worship would have suffered quite a bit. So much so that I'm not sure it would have been even worth doing.

That's not the way things are supposed to be. The River is not about me, and it's supposed to be bigger than me. But right now, it is not. It is also supposed to be about more than Sunday, and to an extent it is, but mostly it is not. But that's a topic for another post. What struck me that day was that if I took ill, The River would essentially cease to function as it is today. And worst of all, if I got hit by a bus and died, it would likely stop altogether.

As I said at the beginning, my days are numbered. All of our days our numbered. It's only a matter time before I'm gone from The River, and from this world. And when I saw what happened to Beth, and thought about how it would effect The River, I realized that I have not done a great job of helping others take leadership and ownership. I need to do that better- to share the vision, share the responsibility, and put others in position to use their gifts to the glory of God and to grow God's Kingdom. Not just for the sake of The River, but for the sake of the world.

So it was a wakeup call, but in a good way, because as far as I know it's not time to punch my ticket just yet. I have time to do the work of equipping and training others to lead The River, and to do the work of ministry. It's a job I'm good at, it's a job I'm passionate about, and it's time to get cracking.

As long as I don't get sick, that is.

The hard work of relationships

2007-05-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

We share a closet at the school we rent. It's big, but it is still shared. The school did a large event for it's graduating seniors this week, and they saw a projection screen in the closet, thought it was theirs and set it up for us. It was actually The River's screen, but it was an understandable mistake for two reasons:

1. Their screen was supposed to be in the closet, but wasn't.
2. We did not label our screen.

Now, I figured this was going to happen at some point. If it hadn't happened over this, it would have happened over something else. And the typical way to prevent such problems such as this is to label stuff. You know, put a big stamp on it that says "MINE! HANDS OFF!" I thought about doing that, and decided against it. Why? Because if The River is really going to be about relationships with God and each other, then a warning sign is not the way to go. Warning signs do not help relationships- they prevent them by stopping conflict. And resolving conflict in a healthy way is a crucial part to any healthy relationship. It's not fun, and it's hard work, but it's necessary to have authentic relationships.

So I'm glad this happened. It was resolved in a healthy manner, and I think our relationship with the school is stronger as a result. It was hard work, but I think it showed them and us who we are going to be: The River is about relationships with God and each other. That's hard work, but it's very rewarding, and it's something sorely lacking in our culture today. We can (and often do) just cut and run from an unpleasant relationship. We're not going to do that. We're in it for the long haul, so we're going to do the hard work. Since this was a step in the right direction, I thank God that this happened.

I'm also glad it's over, and we're going to label our stuff this weekend. Having this conflict may have been healthy and good, but that doesn't mean I want to do it again soon!

Are we trendy?

2007-05-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

I went to a retreat last week at Holy Trinity retreat center in Alabama, and it was a nice chance to catch up with other pastors starting churches and connect with them and God. It was refreshing, rejuvenating, and relaxing.

But when I walked into the retreat center, I took a look around and thought "This is nice, but it is so 1960's." Which is weird, because I usually don't think like that. It was amazing- I expected to hear The Beatles and see some long haired, bell bottom wearing Jesus Freaks come walking around the corner. It was just that palpable. Which is fine. It didn't bother me.

But it did get me thinking about The River. Is what we're doing a trend? Will we go the way of bell bottoms and hippy hair? Or will we be more like The Beatles, whose relevance has continued to the present day and will continue beyond? Part me thinks we're the Beatles, because a lot of what we are doing is not new, it is really very old and has simply been rediscovered.

That's just conjecture, though. The truth is I have no idea how we will be viewed in the years to come. All I know is that what we are doing today matters for the folks who are doing it today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I would love to think that this is part of a larger movement to restore and rejuvenate the Christian church, but that's not for me to do or decide. That's up to God. My focus is on the people around me, and what we are doing matters to them, and that's what matters most to me.

Yet still I wonder...will someone see us in 40 years and think "That is so 2007"? And will I care?

Check back here in 40 years, and I'll let you know!

Our new building has been found!

2007-04-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me these pictures. It seems that we can get the building of our dreams for a lot less than we thought! Check it out:

Who knew it could be so easy?

:-)

Defining success

2007-04-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

Just got back from North Park, where we handed out free bottled water. This was intended as a marketing thing- the bottles had custom labels with info about The River, and the idea was to get the word about the ministry. Well, based on that criteria, if people show up at The River then it was a success.

But we gave out 1,300 bottles of water today, and now that I've done I think it was a success even if no one comes, because what we did today touched people. It was hot, and they appreciated free water. There was no pitch, no asterisk. It was just free water, and folks appreciated it. 1,300 of them. That's why it was a success- because we made the lives of 1,300 people a little bit better.

1,300 is a lot. Wanna know how many? Here's 1,300 ones:
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

If no one came, that couldn't take away from what happened for all those people. We did a good thing, something God wanted us to do and something people appreciated, and that's good enough to count as a succes to me.

We're gonna make it...but it may be like Spinal Tap

2007-04-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, when I got home and had a chance for Sunday to sink in, was the first time that I thought "We're gonna make it." And I believe that. For the first time, I do not doubt that The River is going to make it. 34 people came, several of whom were new. The offering was strong enough that we broke even. We also tried lunch for the first time, which I thought was a nice time of getting to know each other. Plenty of work still ahead, but I'm no longer afraid. I truly believe this is going to happen.

I just think it's going to happen like This is Spinal Tap.

If you saw that movie, you remember that the band had trouble keeping a drummer. They kept bizarrely losing them. Well, that's what it's been like with us and musicians. Weird stuff keeps happening. I've spoken with about 8, had 2 interviews that didn't materialize for absurd reasons, and while we were able to borrow a band for the first worship, the first week we were on our own the musician up and quit. After only one Sunday.

Fortunately, it hasn't been as drastic as the drummers in Spinal Tap. No one has spontaneously combusted or choked to death on vomit (in the movie, it was someone else's vomit, which is even worse). But it's still kinda weird, enough so that I think I'm barking up the wrong tree. I have been looking for someone to hire, but I think what we need are unpaid people who play to serve God. I think that's the kind of person God is pointing us to. They don't have to be the best musician, but they need to be doing it to love and serve God joyfully, out of their own heart. That is who we need to be looking for.

So, I'm off to go looking...and if you know anyone like that, let me know!

75 ducks

2007-04-10T08:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday- the day before The River's first worship- I went to an actual river, the Chattahoochee. I went to pray, to meditate, and to spend time with God before the big day. What I ended up doing for more of my time at the river was freezing my behind off, because it was about 45 degrees and windier than Chicago.

But at one point, I was thinking about how many people were going to come, and talking to God about my fears and worries that the crowd would be too small, when from the shore just next to me a duck swam out. It wasn't more than 15 feet away. You would think I would have known it was there, but I didn't until it swam out. I saw that duck, and what popped into my head was "If just one person finds it meaningful, it was worth it."

Turns out there were 75 people on Sunday. I don't know if all of them were ducks- my guess is that some found it meaningful, some did not. But if there was even one, then it was worth it. Worth it God, and worth it to me. And I think there were some who found it meaningful. While time will tell where we go from here, it was a good start, and that was all I could have asked. A good start.

3 days, 23 hours and counting....

2007-04-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

The River's first worship is getting close, and I figured I'd be nervous by now. But I'm not. Well, not exactly. The closest comparison is how I felt before some of the other big events in my life. I remember before I got married that I wasn't nervous, but I was anxious to do it. Not to be married, but to be at the wedding. That is how I feel about starting worship: I just want to be there. I want to be at that first worship. At my wedding, I knew we were prepared. I knew it would all go well. Same thing with this Sunday- I know we are prepared, I know it will all go well.

So maybe it's a feeling of excitement without an outlet. Before a big lacrosse game, I could always go out and throw a ball around to get rid of some of that nervous energy. Unfortunately, preaching to my dog doesn't have the same feeling as preaching to a room full of people. So there is no outlet for my energy and excitement. I just have to wait. Longer. Because I haven't been waiting for this long enough (sarcasm).

Three days isn't that long to wait.
That's how long Jesus was dead.
It's not that long.
At least, that's what I keep telling myself...and if I tell myself that enough, it'll be here, and that's what I want. I just want it to be here. Not to be over, just to be here.

Come on, Sunday!

Happy phone calls

2007-03-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

We spent a lot of time and money sending out 2 sets of postcards to 16,000 homes, and I have gotten several calls from people who have read them and are interested. It's great, every time that phone rings and someone is interested, it just makes my day. It's a ray of hope that people will come, that Easter will be amazing, and that The River really is filling a need in people's lives. It's pretty cool.

Dress rehearsal

2007-03-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

We had the Dress Rehearsal for Easter yesterday. It went well. It was really great to see the room decorated, I had wondered if we could pull off the vision in that room and I think we did. It was great to see it as we had envisioned. The band sounded great, the sound system worked fine...we had a glitch with the PC that needs to get fixed. For some reason, we couldn't get our presentation software, called Opensong, to use the cool feature that was the whole reason we got it in the first place. This feature allows the PC to projection the presentation on the projector while showing the slideshow outline on the laptop; this allows you to see the whole presentation while projecting only a part of it. Pretty cool- if it works.

The biggest surprise to me was how unprepared I was. I've been planning this worship for months, so I thought I'd know it cold, and I just kept forgetting stuff. It was a learning experience for me, which was the point, and Easter should go off without a hitch. Well, OK, without too big a hitch. There's gonna be mistakes, and that's fine. Just as long as they're mistakes we can live with.

Having seen this vision come to life, I'm even more excited for Easter. I can't wait to do it 'for real.' I'm just really pumped and can't wait!

We walk by faith, not by sight

2007-03-21T06:36:00.000-07:00

I was at another church this past Sunday (being able to do that is the best part of not having worship), and it was 5 minutes before worship started and there were hardly any cars in the parking lot. Which is not all that noteworthy- most everything folks go to these days they show up at the last minute or late. What I realized, though, is that at some point on Easter Sunday the parking lot is going to be empty and I am going to be freaking out. Even if 1,000 people end up coming, there is going to be a point where I look out, see no cars and think "We're finished."

We may not be, but at some point that morning anxiety is just gonna take over and I'm gonna feel like I've just wasted the last 10 months of my life. And right after that, the place will probably be filled with people and it'll be great. But that moment of terror is coming. I know it. I felt it brush past this Sunday. It's stalking me.

Fear is new for me. I'm usually too arrogant to be genuinely afraid of failure. Either that, or I can delude myself into thinking it won't happen. Used to be I could do one of those things and fear wasn't an issue. It just went away, and I have basically lived a life without fear. But this job has scared the daylights out of me because there is a very real chance that it could fail. That I could take on the biggest challenge of my life and flop. For once in my life, there is no getting around the fear. It's there, and it's not going away. I have never felt so vulnerable, for so long, in my whole life.

We walk by faith, not by sight is what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 5. People will come. I don't know how many, but some. I know that. But I'm still going to feel that terror in my gut.

Maybe walking by faith doesn't mean walking without fear.
Maybe it means walking in spite of it.
And if God's power really does work best in my weakness, then God is about to kick some serious butt.

another observation

2007-03-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

I went to a local lutheran church the other night to fill in for their pastor, and I noticed that one of their stained glass windows had a sword. And it wasn't just any stained glass window- it was right behind their altar. It wasn't just any sword, either- it was a big sucker, probably 8 feet long, and it basically was the window. This kinda thing probably seems normal to many Christians. After all, Jesus is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, right? He should have a crown, a throne, a sword, a scepter, whatever he wants. OK, I get that.

But I've been trying hard to see things how people outside church see them, and this window confirms what many people think about Christians- that we don't really care about people outside our faith. After all, who do you suppose they think God would use the sword on? Certainly not the devoted sheep who show up every week and pay their dues! No, God would use it on the infidels- the people outside Christianity. I don't think the folks at that church had thought anything about this. I also don't think they'd thought about how Jesus could have had all that stuff, but he chose instead to live the life of a humble itinerant preacher.

In The River, we're going to show Jesus the way he chose. We're going to show him as a shepherd who laid down his life for the sheep, who did so forgiving those who killed him. That's not just who he is, it's a message our world desperately wants and needs to hear, but it gets lost in all the conflicting images. There will be no pictures of God with a sword in The River. No crowns. No scepters. None of that stuff. Just Christ crucified. If he wants to come back with a sword, that's his choice to make, not ours.

odd observation

2007-02-27T05:39:00.000-08:00

I went to a conference yesterday by churchplanters.com, and I have never, ever seen such a high percentage of men with hair gel. It was weird.

Good conference, though. The music was not my spirituality- loud rock band, flashing lights, big show. I would have preferred some time to just sit in silence and pray. But it was good- got some great ideas on how to get the word out about The River.

No word on where they all buy their hair gel, though.

Growing the natural way

2007-02-21T06:17:00.000-08:00

How do we grow? How do we grow ministries, and how do we grow the church? We search for ways to help people know God better, and so many are fake and phony and never work. Last night, I got a glimpse of how to grow the natural way.

Every night at Prayer & Meditation someone presents a spiritual topic for us to use as an anchor. Last night, the topic was inviting others to this spiritual experience we have every Tuesday. Now, I've been in churches long enough that I've had this conversation a lot. I mean A LOT. "What should we do to get people to come?" The answers I've heard in the past have varied widely- festivals, service projects, special events, all kinds of stuff. Last night, I heard something I'd never heard before. It went like this:

"Hey, you know that new movie '300'? Lets each invite some friends to go see it and then go out for some food after."

Brilliant! That's a natural way to get to know people in our culture, and that's how we grow the church. I've seen so many church members try to grow the church by attracting people to stuff. Instead, we're inviting friends from other places to get to know our friends in Christ, and vice versa. And when they all become friends, it will only seem natural that we all gather for this Tuesday night event. It'll just happen, and everyone will be comfortable with it, because it's natural.

Do what comes naturally, but do it for Jesus. That's the best growth strategy I've ever heard.

When will we have 'made it'?

2007-02-15T10:45:00.000-08:00

Tuesday I had a great day. And the funny thing is, we didn't get a bunch of new people or a pile of money. No, it was a great day because I spent very little of it in front of a computer. Almost the whole day I was with people.

There's a lot more 'office work' in this than I like. It needs to be done, and it'll get done, but what I really enjoy is sitting around talking to people about God. That's what I enjoy doing. That's what gets me out of bed. Whether they believe or not, whether they're seeking insight or I'm seeking theirs, that is what I love. This is why I don't have an office- because then I'd have to be in it. That's why my office is a bagel shop or a restaurant, where I can be around people all the time.

Today, I've spent the whole morning in front of the computer. True, I did send a bunch of emails, and now I'm talking to you, but it's not the same as sitting across a table from someone and having an actual conversation. There are people out there who love doing this kind of work. If you're one of them, and you want to help, by all means let me know! Because what I want to be doing is sharing my journey with others.

Church is people connecting to God together, and without the people, you're sort of missing a big chunk of what it's all about. I'm doing all the rest of this stuff- the stuff I don't like- so I can do more of the stuff I do like, so I can spend more time with more people and share our journeys. That's how I'll know we've 'made it'. Not when there's 50,000 in worship or I start making a gazillion dollars. When I spend almost all my time with people talking about God. When I can do that, that's when we're there. That's when we've 'made it'. Because then we've become what God wants us to be, and that's the only goal that matters.

A new hope?

2007-02-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

The day after my last post, I opened the local free paper, the Revue & News, and there was a nice article about our Lost gathering. Which was, to my knowledge, the first it had been advertised. So there is hope that this may yet turn out to be fruitful. Of course, the AJC had a huge article about Lost on the front page of the Living section and our gathering still hasn't made it in there, but there's hope.

Now that I've had a few days to reflect, I know- as I did then- that it wasn't the end of the world. That this church is going to happen because God is making it happen, that this was just one bump in the road. But I noticed something about myself that I didn't realize before- how much I really, really hate to fail. I mean, I just can't stand it. It drives me nuts.

That probably sounds better than it is, because with God, that can really get in the way. I have trouble getting out of the way and letting God work. I tend to try and do it all, rather than let God do it, because I'm afraid I will fail. And that's really what it is: fear. I'm afraid to fail. Which is why it's good for me to get humbled every now and then, so I can rely on God again and do so knowing that if something fails, it's not the end of the world. Because it's not. God is in charge, and I am not. So if no one comes tomorrow, we'll just stop, and that's OK, because God is in control, and I am not.

Now that I've been reminded that God's tap is still open, here's hoping the beer tap is too!

Flat on my face

2007-02-01T16:36:00.000-08:00

I'm not supposed to be blogging right now. I'm supposed to be talking with a room full of folks about the spirituality of the TV show "Lost". Only there's no one here. It' s just me and my beer- which is a very fine beer, I might add. Sweetwater 420 Pale Ale. But, as is typical of this night, the tap was busted, so it's in a bottle instead of draft. Figures.

This is the part of starting a church that drives me nuts. The good ideas that everyone seems to think are good ideas that may, in fact, even be good ideas, that fall flat on their face, and me with them. OK, in the grand scheme of things it's not that horrible. But it is frustrating, embarrasing, and a big waste of time. Or is it? Is God doing something here that I don't know and can't see? I certainly hope so, but right now all I've got is a beer, a bunch of empty seats, and a belief that God is somehow, someway going to build this church.

And if you're looking at the previous post and thinking "Wow, he just went from one end of the spectrum to the other," welcome to my life. Stick around a while. Heck, you may as well have a beer. But just so you know- right now the tap seems busted.

I should go away more often!

2007-01-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

I was gone at a conference all of last week, and while I was gone great stuff happened! We made significant progress toward finding a building, a musician to hire, a band to borrow, and being able to pay for it all. It calls to mind the prayer Pope John the 23rd used to pray every night: "Lord, it's your church, I'm going to bed." It also calls to mind something from Victor Hugo, "...go to sleep, God is awake."

Some more reminders that God was building this community before I even got started and God is still the one doing all the work now. It's not up to me. It's God. Always has been, always will be.

A 1 year old in worship

2007-01-17T06:35:00.000-08:00

As you can probably tell, I've got worship on the brain.

My 15 month old was in worship with me a week ago, and during one of the songs he was dancing. My first thought (of course) was "Wow, that is really, REALLY cute." And it was. But then I got to thinking about it. His vocabulary is very small, he can't walk 20 feet without falling, and he's probably too young to know anything about God or worship.

But there he was. Using one of the the few gifts he's tapped into- his body- and glorifying God in the process. And I think it made God happy. Really, really happy. Whether he knew what he was doing or not, I think it made God smile this big, huge smile of joy. And whether my son knew what he was doing or not, that's what worship is supposed to be.

The Worship Conundrum

2007-01-10T06:13:00.000-08:00

Last weeks post got me thinking about what I've come to think of as "The Worship Conundrum." The Conundrum is this: Worship is supposed to be about God- adoring, exalting, and dedicating time, attention & energy to God. But the reality is that strangers will only come to check us out in worship, and we need to attract strangers to survive. The normal way to get strangers to come is to find a need they have, then tell them how you meet that need. But once you attract people, you have to deliver on meeting those needs, and then worship can become about the people in the pew and not about God. Thus, the Conundrum: how to attract people who will only come to worship without compromising what worship is supposed to be.

My thought about how to navigate that conundrum is that we try to attract people to worshipping God. That instead of trying to attract people to worship by advertising that they'll be better parents, learn to manage finances or whatever, we try to attract people who want to worship God and do all those things that worship is supposed to do, but haven't found the right community to do that in.

That's not to say we don't try to meet other needs. That has to be part of it. We'll have a meal after every worship- that's right, every worship. We'll do that to help people connect so we can form clusters in which their other needs will be met. That meal will serve as the bridge to help who come to worship find ways to have their other needs met.

But the advertising is about the worship, what it will be like and how we will worship, rather than sermon topics and what people will learn. That's what I'm thinking, but I'm hoping to get some responses about this because I remain unsure. This is difficult water to navigate, and I am going to keep praying and see what else God has to say about this. I look forward to hearing what others have to say as well.

The miracle I've missed seeing

2006-12-27T06:41:00.000-08:00

For a few brief stretches of my life- and this is one- I have been a 'normal' person on Sunday mornings. 'Normal' in this case means 'not working in a church so that I have to be in worship every Sunday.' Right now, worship is actually optional. Nobody makes me go, and there are no consequences if I don't.

Right now, there more reasons to not worship than ever before. There's the obvious stuff- more rest, less hassle, etc etc, but right now there's a lot that goes with having small kids. Our 14 month old has a habit of falling asleep in the car on the way, leaving us with the choice of either him being irritable all morning or one of us staying in the car & missing some or all of worship. He also screams his head off when we try to leave him in a nursery, so we end up taking him in, and you can imagine how that goes. Our 4 year old loves worship, but she gets bored pretty easy and is so full of energy that it's hard for her to sit still for a few minutes, never mind an hour. She loves the songs, and really likes communion, but it's still hard for her, so it's hard on us. Finally, there's the inevitable sleep troubles that come with having small kids. Some days, we need a caffeine IV just to get out of bed.

Yet almost all of the time we go to worship, and we do it simply because we want to. We want to worship God. We want to praise God. We want to humble ourselves before God and exalt God above ourselves, to sing with our hearts and pray with our souls and think with our minds about how great and wonderful God truly is. We want to do those things, so we go, even when it's not easy. We love God and want to worship, so even though it's not our job, we find a way.

Yet I cannot tell you how very, very good it has been for me to spend some time walking in the shoes of people who don't have to worship every Sunday. I have a newfound appreciation for the stress that can be involved in getting to worship and the lure of staying home. At the same time, I know that when people love God, they will find a way to make it to worship. Not absolutely every week- I get that. But most of the time, folks who have a deep love for God will find a way to get to worship and express that love. And those are the people that are there on Sunday mornings.

So now, when I look around the room in worship, I don't look at the seats that are empty and lament that more people aren't there. That's what I used to do when I looked out over the crowd- wonder where everyone was and why they weren't here. Instead, now when I look out over the community on Sundays I am amazed not just at how many come on a given week, but how many come almost every week when there are plenty of other things they could be doing. I think I took that for granted before because I had no idea what it took for some people to make it to worship every week.

Now I have a sense of what a struggle it can be to get out of the house to express that love in worship on Sunday morning, and I'm amazed at what God has done. More can be done, but what's there is a miracle that I've missed for years, but miss no longer.

The emails from nowhere, that aren't

2006-12-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

I get discouraged. Not all the time- most of the time, I'm pretty upbeat about how this process of birthing a church is going. But sometimes, I do get discouraged. I can't really put a finger on when it happens or why it happens sometimes and not others, but I know it happens. I have days where it feels like I'm paddling upstream and still going backwards, and it gets overwhelming sometimes.

I've noticed that when that happens, strange emails keep showing up. Emails from people that I've never met, or folks that I completely would not expect to get that kind of email from, and they all say the same thing: "You're doing great, the vision is great, I'm praying for you, keep it up. You're doing great, I'm praying for you, keep it up." It's happened over and over again, these emails from nowhere.

Those emails from nowhere are actually from somewhere. They are God working through unexpected people to encourage, strengthen and fortify me for the task ahead. I don't have a large community to support my work, so God is pulling at people from the strangest places and working through them to give me the strength I need. It's amazing. Wonderfully, powerfully amazing. God loves me, God is looking out for me, and God wants this to succeed and is going to make it happen. And when I forget that, God sends miracles to remind me.

I am truly blessed.

What a mess

2006-11-29T08:08:00.000-08:00

This new church is messy. Almost every new person I meet I'm interrupting, whether it's by knocking on their door, calling, meeting them at Bagel Boys, whatever. Whenever we invite people to do something with The River, we're asking them to choose that over something else. When we ask for offerings, we're asking them to choose to give money here over buying something.

These are not simple choices. They are complicated, involving lots of reasons, rationales and whatnot. No matter how many times I ask the same thing, I never get the same answer. Everyone is different, with their own life and their own reasons for making the choices they do, and there's so much stuff in people's lives that when I try and get my brain around it, I just can't figure it out. The whole thing just seems like a big mess.

The great shock, though, was realizing that the last church I was at didn't seem messy. I wondered why. What was different about that community? The conclusion I came to was that that last community was just as messy, and since it had more people it was probably messier! The difference was that I didn't know it, because it looked neat. We had programs that ran smoothly. We had worship that went smoothly. The office and staff ran smoothly. All of it was nice, neat, and it looked tidy.

I now realize that that was a facade. The people were just as messy, it only looked neat because the programs looked neat. I don't know whose fault that is, or that it's really anyone's fault. But it seems to me that if you make 'church' equate to 'programs', then it will look neat and tidy if you have neat and tidy programs. Meanwhile, the people themselves may be a mess, but no one will ever know. Some like it that way.

Me, I do not like it that way. I don't think that's the way Jesus lived, and I don't think that's how he wants us to live. Jesus welcomed the interruption of people's messes, and even sought them out. His ministry was not programs; near as I can tell, he never ran one. His ministry was conversation and relationships. His ministry was people, in all their messiness.

So I'll take the mess. I'll take the mess over the neat, tidy, facade that all is well. I'll take it because that's who we are. Messy, broken, confused, people- myself included. That's humanity for ya. To pretend otherwise is to deny who we are, and puts us in a place where we don't need God because we can keep things neat by ourselves.

Well, I need God. I am a mess. So is my new church. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Shapes revealed

2006-11-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

A little while ago I blogged about how God is revealing things like shapes in the mist that become clearer over time. Here's a concrete example of several seemingly unrelated things revealing God at work, and that it is God who will build this community and not me.

First, in late summer, someone fell away from The River, in an unfortunate but understandable situation. I supported her doing that, but I also knew God wanted us to stay in touch. She did too. Neither of us knew why, but we both knew God wanted us to keep in touch. So we did, and we waited.

Second, in early fall, when we started planning our gatherings, we settled on Sunday from noon-2 as the best time. This would not work for one of our key leaders, and we knew that. But he agreed that if it was best for everyone else, then we should do it, and we would wait and see what God had in mind.

Third, we gather in Clusters, for awhile we have only one and not long ago I started feeling this poking in the back of my head saying "Start another one." OK, fine, so I prayed and asked God where it would be, who would lead it, and who would come. My response? Nothing. Silence. But then it would come again, "Start another cluster." And I'd pray again. And still nothing. This was going on for a couple weeks, with no resolution.

Four, I knew that what we were doing did not meet the spiritual needs of the young adults who had expressed interest. I knew something needed to be done, but I didn't know what, only that what we were doing wasn't working.

Then I met John. John came into my life by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the space of just a half hour conversation, all four pieces fell into place. That poking in my head became a still, small voice that said "This is it." Not a shouting, not a roaring, just a still, small voice telling me that this was what God had in mind. John wanted to host a cluster at his home. One for young adults. It was close to the home of the woman who had fallen away. It was at a date and time for our leader who couldn't come on Sunday. It was all there.

The more I get into this journey, the more I see God at work, and the more amazed I am. God is putting the pieces before us, God is putting them together, and it's just been an awesome and amazing ride. I can't wait to see what God is going to do next!

That's what they all say

2006-10-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

That's what someone told me after I had outlined the vision for The River. I had just finished sharing the vision of a community with deep spirituality, authentic relationships and that does significant service to others, and this person said "That's what they all say." It wasn't said in a mean or condescending way, just matter of fact, and it probably is a fact: most new churches probably do say something like that. After all, I doubt anyone has ever started a new church with the idea of recreating all the problems of the past. I'm sure most were started with at least some intent to do things differently, to find ways to remedy some of the things that didn't work in other places. I'm sure most churches have some element of that, and in that sense what we're trying to do isn't all that different. It's probably pretty common.

I expect all the other new churches that tried reform have succeeded in some ways and failed in others. I wish I could say that we're going to be different, that The River is going to get it all right. That we are the cure for what ails churches everywhere, that we know what's wrong and by-golly we're going to fix it and everything will be perfect. But that just will not happen.

We are going to make mistakes. We are going to do things wrong. We are going to recreate some of the problems of the past, and if we actually solve some of them we will undoubtedly create new ones. The River is not going to be perfect. It is not going to solve everything. It is going to be as flawed as any other church anywhere. Flawed in different ways, perhaps, but still flawed, because we're still human, and we're still going to screw things up.

That's something I need to remember, and it's something folks need to know going in. Anyone- including me- who expects this to be a perfect community is going to be disappointed. For that, we have to wait for the next life. In the meantime, I'm going to pursue this vision God has given us. I'm going to keep at it, and we're going to get as close as we can. We'll probably never get there, but I'm going to try, and I'm going to trust that even though we aren't perfect, God will still show up and do powerful things in peoples' lives.

It's not about being perfect, or getting it all exactly right. It's about serving God and trying our best and understanding that God is God and we are not. So I'll work on these things, but I'll do it without expecting perfection, and try to remember that it is not about whether I get it right or not. It's about serving God, and I thank God we don't have to perfect to do that, or we'd all be in a lot of trouble!

Shapes in the mist

2006-10-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

When I started The River, I thought I was fairly well ahead of the game. I had a pretty good sense of what I thought God wanted us to be, what God wanted me to be. After all, the genesis of The River goes back years, probably 6 or 7, back to the time when I first got this idea in my head that God might want me to start a new church. I felt pretty comfortable.

Then I got started and all of a sudden had all these questions. All these things I didn't know. Yes, I knew we were supposed to gather in clusters, but what do clusters actually do? How do I communicate all these ideas in my head without sounding like a rambling madman? After I got started, I discovered that all the images in my head were merely the framework of The River. I had to discover what The River actually looked like.

That process of discovering what The River will look like has been an amazing journey. God has given it to me in pieces. They emerge like shapes in the mist. First a little shadow, then an outline, then depth and color, and finally they come to life. I don't have the whole picture, and I don't think God gives anyone the whole picture. God gives us what we need, when we need it, and reveals the picture a little at a time. It emerges like shapes in the mist, but when it emerges, it is more amazing than we ever thought possible.

I'm not as comfortable as I used to be, and that's good because I rely on God more and do more looking and listening than thinking and planning. I do that because I am on this journey to build the community God sent me to build, not my own version of it. I am on this journey to serve my God who gives me all things. I am not angry or resentful that I only get shapes in the mist. Instead, I feel honored to be blessed with that much, and I thank God for allowing me to be a part of this amazing journey of starting The River.

Waiting on God

2006-09-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

I've been working on The River since June, but really since April, when the first Bible study began. But really, I've been working on it for years, because God has been sending the concepts and ideas to me for years. So while I've only been on the payroll since June, it has really been years of work. And Sunday is the first Cluster gathering.

It is difficult to not say "Sunday is the day I find out if it will all work or not." It's been difficult to recognize Sunday for what it is: one step on a much bigger journey. A different step, a new step, the first of many (hopefully) steps like it, but just one step nonetheless. It is difficult to keep Sunday in perspective because tangible results have been hard to come by. Is my labor bearing fruit? Is God's reign growing? Is the Holy Spirit working through me to come to people in life-changing ways? Or am I just drinking a lot of coffee and hanging out and not accomplishing much of anything? It is very, very tempting to use this Sunday as a barometer of how well things are going so far.

Reality, though, is that Sunday won't really tell me, and that it's not my job to know anyway. My job is to listen to God, do what I'm told by God, and then wait for God to let me know how I'm doing. I don't know what shape that sign will take. It could happen Sunday, or after Monday I could have more questions than I did on Saturday. I just don't know how I will know how much fruit this is bearing, or even if I will know.

What I do know is that it's not me doing the work: it's God. It's not up to me to determine what 'success' is: it's God. And therefore it's not my place to know if I'm succeeding or not: it is merely my place to follow, and to trust that God is doing what God wants. That takes the pressure off in some ways, but it means a lot of waiting, a lot of not knowing, and a lot of trust. That can be hard when this is how your family eats and keeps a roof over their head, and if it fails then the paychecks stop coming.

But I am trying, because I believe the promises God has made. I believe the words of Matthew 6:25-33, and I am striving for the reign of God above all things. What I struggle with is not knowing whether that striving is going anywhere. But since it's not my place, I work, and I pray, and I trust, and I hope that someday God will bless me with a glimpse of how this is going. Maybe that will be Sunday, but I'm working very hard to not get my hopes up for an answer, and to just let it be what God wants it to be. Because that is what it needs to be- nothing more, and nothing less.

The sheep and the goats, but mostly the goats

2006-09-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

Our family loves festivals. This past Saturday, we went to one that had a small petting zoo. In one pen were seven or eight goats and one sheep. For no apparent reason, the goats were almost constantly head-butting each other. They'd headbutt each other (and the poor sheep) in the head, in the side, in the rump, anywhere. For apparently no reason. They seemed to like headbutting others, but didn't seem to enjoy being headbutted themselves. But they just kept on doing it, over and over, and showed no signs of letting up when we left.

I imagine that might be how God looks at many of the things we do to each other. That God sees the ways and the reasons we hurt other people and knows it is nothing but a pointless, meaningless headbutt. And we keep doing it, over and over. We usually think our reasons matter, that they are justified somehow, someway. I expect that God, they are pointless headbutts, and we look like dumb goats.

I admit it: I'm a goat. The good news is that in Jesus Christ, God became a goat, and through Jesus God forgives us for all those headbutts we give others, and forgives others for the headbutts they give us. But that doesn't take away all the headaches my pointless headbutts have caused. So I'm going to think about that the next time I'm about to headbutt someone, and with God's help I'll be able to keep my head to myself.